Walk In Loveliness

Time to process

2011-11-16T18:28:00.002-07:00

Hello! I'm happy to report that my weight loss goals are clicking along. I DID see 179 on the scale one morning but that was after a night that I fell asleep without eating dinner. Having an 8.5 month old will do that to ya. Part of me wanting to "look" better is so that I will have positive perceptions of myself and that will be passed along to my son in that he will have the sense that his mom is a healthy person both inside and out. I want him to feel this way about himself. So, it's not just getting to a certain weight at a certain time (out goes the 10 lbs. by Xmas goal).
I'm still finding my footing as a parent and I have allowed myself to be derailed by criticism. Who hasn't? Lack of sleep has been playing a huge part in me feeling off, I know why they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture for prisoners now!
Through my continued commitment to follow my Walk in Loveliness motto, I'm confident that I will stay on track. OK, so maybe my confidence is a little shaky at times but I'm a rock at my core even though I may melt into tears every now and again or daily.
Other people are not the enemy and I have been targeting others instead of working on myself. This is a process and I will move through it in my own way. I love being a mom and this has been an 'in your face' experience so far! I"m dazzled and amazed every day.

2011-10-29T12:55:00.002-06:00

Thoughts and actions

2011-10-24T13:16:00.005-06:00

Lately I seem to be struggling with negative scenarios that play out in the "fantasy world of the mind". You know - where you make-up a situation in your head - like someone saying something offensive to you - and then imagine chewing them out - and then truly feeling worked up and stressed out in real life. All because of thoughts.
A lot of these scenarios end in me saying, "Those are YOUR feelings and YOU need to be responsible for them!" to whoever is my target at the time.
I discussed this with my personal coach and gained an interesting perspective on this type of thinking. Perhaps this is a way of self-soothing?
Much like over-eating, shopping, drinking,etc. It is me trying to make myself feel better/different by using a particular outlet. Like over-eating, indeed I feel worse instead of better, yet somehow still have the compulsion to engage in this type of activity.
I'm trying to turn things around now that I've identified this behavior. How can I switch this kind of "default thinking"? Just start thinking positive things instead of negative, right? Well, that's the goal. Thoughts and eating habits are very much tied together for me.
I've begun to ask myself, "What could I be thinking of in place of the negative fantasy?" I could be freed up to ponder limitless ideas and goals. This freedom could lead to the introduction of new positive behaviors which could equal weight-loss! Then I could truly be happy. Right?

STS

2011-10-21T16:25:00.003-06:00

Stayed the same this week. That's OK. I DID do my Pilate's DVD which is a huge win since that baby hasn't seen the light of day in months. So I will chalk this up as a very successful start!

Been talking with my personal coach about body image, weight loss, etc. She swears by intuitive eating which I can totally understand. I'm not there yet but it was helpful to talk about 1. eating when I'm hungry 2. eating what I'm hungry for 3. stopping before I'm full 4. getting some physical movement...and there's one more guideline but I can't think of it now.

One thing I am positive about is that it will sure feel good to be lighter on my feet! My heart will greatly benefit from a loss of this kind as well as the rest of my body. It truly is a gift to myself so I will forge ahead. I'm on the right track.

Ten Pounds by Christmas!

2011-10-17T13:36:00.004-06:00

It's cold, windy and rainy here today but what a weekend! Colorado is so pretty this time of year and that has been very conducive to my goal of getting out and moving my body when I can. This sunset was especially pretty over the weekend.
I'm glad that I have re-focused on my passion for blogging because I can tell that I'm already getting inspired by all the success that I have read on other blogs. I know it's possible for me too! One of my main challenges right now is getting enough exercise. I do get busy with my 7-month old and I have a full time job. Wilson still does not sleep through the night

as he is still breast-feeding. I feel so drained sometimes! Then I look into his face and vow that I could stay up for a thousand nights if that's what it took to help him thrive. I really enjoy putting him in his carrier and going for a walk, and I know that when the weather gets colder, I will have to figure something else out. Maybe get back to my Pilates DVD... I will give myself a pat on the back for putting together a tasty meal a few nights ago. This "light" alfredo sauce is not too bad in the calorie department and was delish over spinach fusilli. Quick-n-easy! I also added chicken sausage that we cooked in the crock pot for several hours until it was wonderfully tender and threw together a fresh salad on the side. I hope that my keeping track of my weight with photos will help me to stay motivated and on track. Starting a new weight-loss goal can be tricky sometimes psychologically. I found myself wanting to eat a lot and indulge in more sugary snacks this weekend. It's like I'm rebelling against myself which is a familiar pattern.

I've been talking with my life coach about these feelings and it has helped me to get a better perspective. Most of us have some version of this, like when you work hard all week long and then just want to bust loose on the weekend. Drink! Party! Shop! Eat! That's how I get when I try to "buckle down" on something, it just backfires. Just something for me to be aware of on my Walk in Loveliness journey.

All backfiring aside, I've put together a personal challenge to give myself the gift that keeps on giving so "Ten Pounds By Christmas" is what I have my sights set on. I see this as a reasonable goal that is challenging yet not so outrageous that it would give me a mental freak-out. Have a great week!

Autumn Blossom

2011-10-13T17:09:00.003-06:00

Things have changed a lot since I started this blog in 2009, I wasn't a mother then and I am now. With that, my world has shifted in the most magical of ways.
Yet, here I am. Ready to get on with my commitment to health and fitness. A new start. Or just a continuation, it depends on your perspective.
Everything that has been a part of my life up until this moment has contributed to the person that I am today. Through blogging, and my work with Lynne, a Personal Life Coach, I have come to realize the importance of self-acceptance.
I am astounded at just how long I have existed without the key aspect of loving myself. Not to say that I have never felt "good" about me or my life, but it goes much deeper than that.
So, I'm blossoming in this way. I'd like to breath new life into this blog and approach my weight-loss from the heart.

Rebirth

2011-08-11T11:01:00.004-06:00

Just wanted to say "hello"! Motherhood is amazing. I'm exhausted! I'm so glad that I re-started my sessions with Lynne Morrell, my personal life coach. I struggled with returning to work and with all the anxieties and emotional upheaval that comes with giving birth. I know it has been since March, Wilson is now 5 months and two weeks old, however it has also been a "rebirth" for me as well.

My most important mission right now: getting in touch with myself! My instincts will always guide me to the best decision, I just need confidence I guess. Dealing with "PEOPLE" has been something that I've worked with Lynne on during our sessions. When do you stand up for yourself, when do you just bend over and take it? Who am I now and who do I want to be???

The mind/body connection is also top of my list. This morning, I weighed-in at 188.2, not bad! Walking has been my main form of exercise and I love it. Still need to tweak my food intake...

I am most grateful these days for my husband, he has joined the ranks of the SAHD team, Stay At Home Dads. Hell ya, now I don't have to deal with my MIL and SIL as much (see above regarding PEOPLE)!
Phones are busy at work today, gotta scoot. Love you for blogging as I am still reading YOU!

Onesies

2011-05-28T15:38:00.003-06:00

Hello! It's been awhile since I've checked-in but I am looking forward to getting back to blogging. Wilson was born on 3/04/11 and it's been a wild ride! I love being a mom and it's changed my whole perspective on life.

My stamina is finally returning after my c-section and it's time to get some of this weight off. Who was the person that said it would just "melt away" when I start breast feeding? Totally not true.

I'm around 200 pounds right now - so this would be a perfect time to get focused on getting back to the "onesies" - and I don't mean those annoying little baby clothes...Talk soon!

Lots to celebrate!

2011-03-17T12:46:00.003-06:00

Perry's grandma, 103 years old holds Wilson, 2 days old!

He's such a good baby.

He has my nose!

Baby on the brain! Weighed in at 211 pounds at my post-cesarean visit to the doc's. Will have to get back on the weight-loss train starting now. Wouldn't change it for the world!

Our first walk and many more to come!

Lots to celebrate, happy St. Patrick's Day.

Assembly Required

2011-02-07T12:51:00.005-07:00

Hello, hope everyone enjoyed the Superbowl!

I will be having my own "Game Day" on March 4th. That's when my C-Section is scheduled so it's coming down to the final month. I'm excited, nervous and everything in between.

One of many things that I'm grateful for is that Perry has been by my side this whole time and is only becoming more supportive as we get closer to being parents.

For example, he totally took the lead on figuring out how the infant car seat is installed - and how it then fits into the stroller. All of these types of details can be overwhelming to me, my strong point is definitely NOT in the area of "assembly required" so I breath a sigh of relief when he puts on the daddy pants!

I've been striving to stay active and do lots of walking during my pregnancy. Some days are better than others! We recently had a nice visit to Watson Lake which is one of my favorite places to go. This time we talked about how much fun it's going to be to bring along Wilson when the time is right.

Below is a picture of my dad and I. He and his girlfriend came up from Denver to watch the Superbowl with us. A wonderful time was had by all (don't let the panicked look on my face fool you). They brought a lovely playpen/bassinet/changing table "thing" that will come in so handy! It took everyone awhile to figure out how to get it put together but they stuck with it.

I offered my encouraging words and gratitude, sometimes that's all you have to give...

I'm weighing-in at 220 lbs. these days which is fairly hefty but I'm OK with it. My stomach feels pretty squished up so I can't fit much food in it right now anyway, maybe that will help me not to gain too much more before Game Day.
Have a wonderful week!

WIL do it!

2011-01-17T17:55:00.005-07:00

All bundled up on a cold day with my dog Blade.

The cats prefer to do things their own way!

Hi Friends! Yesterday, I found myself doing some emotional eating and thought that it would really help to write it out and process through some of my feelings.

This all has to do with my baby shower which should not be stressful - but you know how things like this can get weird!

One of my good friends had offered to throw one for "us" as it would be open to significant others as well. She is a very busy person and I questioned her several times about being sure that she wanted to commit her time to something like this. She insisted that it was definitely something that she wanted to do.

Cut to NOW and still no real plans had been set in motion.

It's starting to feel like "crunch time" as I'm due the beginning of March. Let's face it, we need STUFF for this kid and having a party is one good way to get off on the right foot.

If people are to attend a function, it seems courteous to give them plenty of notice, right? I felt the need to turn to my sister-in-law (she does not have a traditional-type job thus seemingly more time to put together a shower). She had the menu, invitations and date set within a matter of 24 hours!

So you can guess what happened next...The friend got offended and called it "awkward" to have this happen.

Well, that certainly wasn't my intention but it's also not about her. It's about the child I will be bringing into this world soon - and celebrating that with friends and family. I was bothered by my friend's reaction and really felt that in some ways, she needed to take responsibility for her actions and "own" the fact that she really hadn't contacted me about the shower.

Besides, my SIL has all the info on family in the area and the appropriate people to invite. It seemed easier to have someone like her do it and my MIL will make the cake, etc. Now the ball is rolling! No thanks to my friend. I felt frustrated, panicky about not doing it sooner, unworthy of even having a party in the first place and all kinds of dark and lonely thoughts threatened to stake a claim in my brain.

I sat on the couch and ate a Jello Chocolate Pudding Cup (the 60 calorie kind) with Cool-Whip Light and didn't even taste it. When the sweet and creamy gave me no comfort, I rooted around for some Chex Mix and did the salty crunchy thing. I wasn't aware of what I was doing until a few minutes later when I felt a little queasy. Then I finally realized that I had "stuffed" my unpleasant feelings.

I hated to disappoint my friend but was also resentful at her lack of planning. I was stressed in general about having a baby shower. What if it's bad weather and no one can come? What if people feel obligated to bring gifts and that is too uncomfortable to those on a budget? WHAT IF...you get the idea.

I'm turning it into a positive by focusing on my gratitude toward my SIL and her can-do attitude. We are a fortunate couple in that our baby will be born into so much love as there are many folks anticipating this event with open hearts. My friend will come to understand that this is the best way for US and if she still wants to have an event in our honor, well, then do it.

The drama attached to these kinds of things is almost amusing. It seems like someone is always unhappy with something, I experienced this when planning my wedding too. I want to please everyone and understand that I don't need to be this way for people to like me - and will strive to be responsible for MY OWN feelings and not those of other people.

I will be more conscious about not eating for comfort. I will stay strong for myself and for this boy that I have wanted so desperately for so many years.

Ok, I'll say it - I will Walk in Loveliness every day! Ya know what's coincidental? Our son will be named Wilson after my husband's late grandfather, so we have been calling him Wil.

The acronym for Walk in Loveliness!

Plugging Away!

2010-12-29T16:05:00.004-07:00

I can totally understand if you don't believe this is Colorado, the day after Christmas! It's true though, the weather has been amazingly mild here in Fort Collins, so much so that Perry and I got in 9 holes on 12/26/10.
I didn't play that great and blamed it on my change in balance due to being 29 weeks along. Pretty soon, I'll have to think of another excuse for errant iron shots.
Even though we had a cart, and it's a short course, this activity took most of my stamina and I spent the remainder of the day on the couch. However, I know the more I stay active, the better off I'll be! My pregnancy days are numbered and sometime after March, I'll be plugging away again at taking off some weight. I AM enjoying "this special time" and had a very merry Christmas. I am truly grateful to be surrounded by such love and support. I relished being the center of attention as many people had baby questions, advice, stories...most are humorous but some were flat out horrifying!

It's shocking to hear accounts of what happens in situations were small children get injured and in such myriad of ways. OMG, could that ever happen to me and my child?! The answer is: yes and it will.

I had to remind myself to breath and just relax. Listening to other people share their baby experiences is all part of the process. After all, I wanted this!

I'm still striving to eat fresh fruit and vegetables every day.

Perry and I make it a point to enjoy our green smoothies on a regular basis with the main ingredients being fresh organic baby spinach, banana, yogurt, milk, honey and ice. There's lots of other yummy things you can throw in but I'm finding that right now I crave mild foods so I stick with the basics.

But who am I kidding? There's also Rocky Road Ice Cream in my freezer! I never was a huge ice cream fan but now I can't seem to get enough. At least it's calcium.

Lots of love to all my followers! I still look forward to reading your blogs every day and am so thankful for all the support. Talk soon!

Challenges and Opportunities

2010-11-26T17:31:00.003-07:00

Hello! I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving! Mostly, I just wanted to check-in and say 'hey'. I'm "25" weeks along with my pregnancy and feel so thankful that everything is going well so far. I've learned that conception is tracked in weeks - so am adjusting to this concept.
I was still up for a 9-hole round of golf last weekend but insisted on getting a cart instead of our usual walking routine. Perry and I are both still trying to focus on staying active and eating right. He's gained about 5 pounds along with me gaining baby weight. Not bad, he could lose that in two weeks! Unfortunately, the scale said: 203 lbs. for me last time I went for my monthly visit.
I started at 170 so that is more than I have intended to gain thus far.
I knew it would be a challenge to gauge my weight gain in a healthy way and it has been. I didn't indulge too badly yesterday for our big feast but definitely had the works - turkey, potatoes, stuffing and pie. I remember last year when I was focusing on my weight loss, I totally skipped the pie (and felt fine!). However, no WINE for me this year versus my 2-3 glasses last year.

My cat has fallen in love with my growing belly and takes every opportunity to snuggle up against its warmth!
I've started to feel kicking and squirming going on inside me and that's been exciting. I am truly blessed to have been able to conceive as I had been trying for a few years.
Everyone was very complementary of my "GLOW" during our holiday get together. There was so much love and support radiating from family and friends regarding this event. I really feel like my son will be welcomed into the world with much support and love. I just pray that he is healthy and that everything goes well with the remainder of my pregnancy.
Even though I am not focused on weight-loss right now, SOON there will come a time when I'll have to get back in the game! Until then, I guess I'll just have to do the best I can do.

Live long and prosper!

2010-11-02T17:15:00.004-06:00

Hello and Happy November!
Perry and I had fun on Halloween as we dressed up for a friend's party. He just went as "A Scary Dude" and I was supposed to be Star Trek's Lieutenant Uhura. Honesty, I just wanted to wear something comfortable so the Enterprise Star Fleet shirt was a winner.
(Some one's been messin' with the Captain's "Log"!).
I'm feeling good and like I need to get back on track with blogging and gleaning healthy living tips and motivation from all the fun blogs I read.

All is well with the pregnancy. I'm four months along and am feeling so blessed! I pray that my health and that of my baby BOY stays on track. Talk soon!

Great Timing

2010-10-06T12:37:00.004-06:00

Here's where it comes in so handy to be part of the Blog World! I had this nice piece of salmon in the fridge for last night's supper but was a little stumped for ways to prepare it. I thought about going to recipes.com and then I read Tami's post from Nutmeg Notebook entitled, "Favorite Salmon Recipe and Multi Grain Pilaf". This was great timing, thanks Tami! The glaze was very easy to put together which is just how I like it. I did not have shallots (or onions) so I substituted freeze dried garlic, and no red pepper either so just used black along with a little paprika. It still turned out great!

I liked this glaze because of the honey and mustard used as the base, that helped it "stick" to the fish and not just slide off into the pan.

I dug out my sauce brush brush to apply it.
It felt so gourmet.

The directions for broiling it on one side and then the other was genius! My husband and I cooked it together and we had never tried making salmon like that before. This is our new method.

I threw together a side dish with sweet and sour stir-fried pineapple, spinach and rice which was fairly bizarre, but the acid from the fruit paired nicely with the "good fats" from the fish.
Perry had seconds on both! I felt healthy and satisfied after this lovely meal and I may make a salmon salad for lunch using the leftovers.

I DID do my workout DVD last night and will plan on that again tonight. Have a great day!

Dangerous and Delicious!

2010-10-05T13:38:00.008-06:00

Sunday is the "bread and butter" of our weekend! That's the only day that Perry and I have off from work together so we try to plan fun things to do.

This last Sunday was especially nice since we were celebrating a Bronco victory! We headed to the Outback Steakhouse which is a pretty decent chain. Normally, steak isn't really our style but just to brag a little - Perry has been awarded Salesman of the Month for two months in a row. That meant two $25 Gift Cards! The choice on the cards was either Carrabba's Italian Grill or Outback. We know from experience that Outback has T.V.'s in the bar and the husband is a HUGE Football fan so the choice was made. They start you off with a fresh loaf of dark bread and real butter. Dangerous!

He made this weird face on purpose! At least he's enjoying his gift-card-moment!

Also a Crown-n-Coke as a special treat. He earned it. Hat ON in a restaurant? For shame.

I relished in my refreshing mocktail of soda, splash of cran. and a lime. I'm actually kind of liking this "no drinking policy" due to having one on the way. I sometimes miss sipping on a glass of red wine which is/was my favorite type of alcohol however, it cuts down on the meal tab not to order this, and the sleepiness that sets in afterwards always sent me straight to the couch once we got home.

My salad was nice and fresh and I ate it all! The dressing was honey mustard vinaigrette which was recommended by our awesome server. Delicious!

For my entree, I ordered the Sliced Fillet with Mushroom Sauce and a side of garlic mashed potatoes. This was a great choice since the meat was so tender. I guess a little red meat is good for putting iron into the blood. This was a pretty calorie dense meal but I ended up taking a few scraps back to the truck for the dogs to enjoy. I also was able to just have a light snack in place of dinner since I was still so satisfied from this meal.

Still, the scale was pretty precarious this morning- 189! This splurge definitely showed-up as a gain so it's time to focus on light and healthy this week. My goal is to do my new favorite workout DVD at least three times before Friday.

Better get on this!

So nice!

2010-09-27T14:24:00.004-06:00

Isn't it nice to have other people cook for you every once in awhile?
Perry and jumped at the chance for this when his sister and her husband so generously invited us over for dinner on Saturday night.
The main dish was my BIL - A.K.A. Stuart's most delectable ribs EVER! Everyone in our family loves it when he gets busy in the kitchen.
The secret is the dry rub he uses first, then puts them in the oven. The grill is just the finishing touch! He also makes a homemade BBQ sauce for slatherin' that's just delish.
Multiple napkins required... He also prepared some lovely herbed mashed potatoes that I forgot to get a picture of because I was too busy shoveling them in. There's also a secret to those, he uses a "potato ricer" which really makes the texture nice and smooth. I'm thinking of ordering this one from my own Avon Website for $14.99. Go on, you need one too!

Jennifer made a colorful salad that included hard boiled eggs, shrooms, red pepper, carrots, cucumber and romaine lettuce. Why do things like this taste so much better when someone else does the slicing and dicing? I almost could have just had this salad and been happy.

Then to finish it off, Jen made a homemade apple pie using the apples from the tree in their backyard. It was amazing!

And they didn't even accept help with the dishes so it truly felt like a special treat.

Hopefully, we will get a chance to do something nice for them very soon.

Have a great week!

Weekend Getaway

2010-09-23T17:18:00.004-06:00

Hello!
Well, my weight is staying pretty steady these days and not shooting up too high. I know that gaining is part of pregnancy but everything I read about staying healthy during this special time urges not to overdo on the calories!
That was tough before this phase in my life so now I have to be EXTRA careful, darn!
Perry and I went on a great trip last weekend to Glenwood Springs, CO to celebrate my 37th Birthday. The colors were beautiful as we headed west on I-70. Of course we had to golf! That's one of our favorite past times. The Hill is a fun 9-hole course in Glenwood and it lives up to its name. There's lots of hills so it really takes skill rather than strength to get some good shots here. Even if you don't play well, the scenery is spectacular. We even saw deer!

I finished up the round with a "mocktail" that really hit the spot. This has become my go-to drink when ordering at a bar-type situation. It is simply cranberry juice, soda and a lime.

My mom asked me what kind of cake I wanted for my B-day and I decided to go non-traditional with a lemon meringue pie! Homemade of course. It was delicious and since there were a handful of us, there was only enough for everyone to have one slice which was perfect.

No over-indulging on this!

I should put in a disclaimer here. I'm making it sound like I ate all healthy and perfect that's not quite right. We stopped at McDonald's on the way to G-wood and I had a fish sandwich and fries. We stopped at Arby's on the way back and I had a roast beef and cheddar with curly fries. Both meals with unsweetened iced-tea, he he...

My dad's girlfriend also brought over a chocolate cake from the grocery store bakery one night and we all just dug in with our forks!!

Now I'm back to my daily grind but boy was it good to get away - because I appreciate my mellow household that much more.

I'm still working on my nightly exercise routine but did manage to groan my way through a 30-minute Pilates DVD last night. No reason not to go for it again tonight.

Tomorrow is my day off which includes a trip to the doctor for a routine check.

More feet in the stirrups, oh yay.

But this is what I've wanted more than anything for so long that it really isn't right to whine. So I declare tomorrow to be a "No Whining" day! Wish me luck...

Unexpected gifts

2010-09-14T13:13:00.004-06:00

Howdy Partners! Just checking out some of the goodies that my wonderful Grandma sent me today. She is the author of my WIL motto.
As kids, my sister and I would always get boxes from her filled with Fannie Mae candy, clothes, jewelry, purses and all kinds of fun things that were either items that she no longer used along with a few things that she picked up at discount stores and even gifts that she had received but didn't want. Sometimes we would wonder, "What was she thinking?" of some of the items but it was always a genuine gesture of her love. It's been awhile since I've been the recipient one of her gift boxes. Getting to the UPS store can be such a hassle anymore and it really is expensive to ship things, I can understand why she does not do this much these days.
Today, it was fun to get such an unexpected gift including this hat! I'm not sure how much I'll wear it but it truly is the thought that counts.

Speaking of thoughtfulness...My husband has been really great lately regarding my pregnancy. I'm relieved because he seemed to struggle at first with how he was feeling. I think it was just overall anxiety about things to come and not due to the fact that he wasn't pleased.

Currently, he tells me that he loves me a lot and these roses aren't so bad either.

Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments. The other night he totally freaked out because he wanted to TIVO a football game but I already had two shows scheduled on the recorder and wasn't willing to miss either of them.

Here's my weight as of this morning. Not as bad as I imagined!

My fancy toes are the result of a gift certificate for a pedicure from my sister-in-law for my 37th B-day which is on 9/19. Normally, I'm not a fan of toe designs, I think it's classier just to do plain polish but hey - that's what the gift certificate was for so I might as well just enjoy it!

I'm still struggling a little, OK a lot, with getting on the treadmill in the evenings. That is one thing that I really want to work on starting now and going forward. I need to think of ways to motivate myself in this area. Blogging does help! I can already feel my mind-set change just by typing it out. Have a delicious day!

Silly and fun

2010-09-07T16:14:00.003-06:00

On Saturday (9/4), Perry and I celebrated our 6-year wedding anniversary. I chose dinner at The Rio as our date night destination.
Here's the man himself, all dressed-up and ready to party!
Seriously, we are very casual here in Fort Collins. Here's me!

I had forgotten that it was Tour de Fat that day which made it even more fun to be out and about. This is a bike parade/beer fest sponsored by New Belgium Brewery (Fat Tire, Sunshine Wheat beer). It's gotten to be like Halloween for grownups. Lots of people dress up in silly costumes and ride around on bikes and just have a blast. The guy behind Perry was hilarious, he made a bicycle helmet out of a disco ball, love it!

I ordered one of my all time favorite entrees, the Chili Relleno with rice and black beans, smothered in green chili. I know, the fact that it is fried makes it less of a healthy choice. I saw on the menu that they did offer it "baked"-but I was afraid that I wouldn't like it as well. Maybe next time I'll have to give that option a try.

The meal was truly enjoyable and the only thing that was left on my plate was the stem of the chili!

We had a really fun night out and since I didn't order any margaritas, I felt great the next day!

I had to snap a pic of this bike out in front of the restaurant because it was so festive. I feel happy when I see people expressing their creativity in non-traditional ways. I guess that's why I love blogging so much!

With that in mind, I hope you all keep up the good work and don't be afraid to show your silly side sometimes, right?

The Black Plum

2010-09-01T18:35:00.006-06:00

I think my energy has returned as we head into September. I did my 30-minute Pilates DVD last night and then got on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I told myself to just get on for 5 -but felt so good that I pushed it just a little. Now tonight, I'll shoot for 20 minutes of treadmill walking. Does anyone like Black Plums? They are so good! This was my last one and I ate it while working, for a little energy boost around 2:30. I'm avoiding caffeine these days so will have to sub. fruit and other healthy eats to get me over that mid-day slump. Well, speaking of work, I have 20 more minutes to go so I better get on it!
Thank you for your wonderful comments...

Ups, downs, ins, outs

2010-08-31T15:09:00.007-06:00

Here's my new obsession! I love these things for a snack along with fruit or veggies.

So yesterday I had a nuchal translucency screening to determine Down Syndrome risks and other genetic disorders. Not exactly something that anyone wants to think about - especially since this is my first pregnancy. But alas, I have the label of "Advanced Maternal Age" so there's more risk involved.

The whole thing was stressful, I had it first scheduled for my day off on Friday but the Technician called out sick so they had to reschedule me for yesterday. That meant me having to take the entire day off work - which really had me all hormonal for the entire weekend.

My job does not allow employees to take partial days off. My request for time off on Monday was not approved when I submitted it on Friday - and I spent the entire weekend obsessing about what I was going to do. I sent an email to my supervisor and let her know my situation and that maybe I should speak to Human Resources about this. She emailed me back with this, "Hi Laura. It's really not that big of an issue. If you need to go, please let WFM know that you will be using PTO to cover it." (WFM = Work Force Management, PTO = Paid Time Off). I was offended by her response. Not that big of an issue? What the hell? It sure felt like it to me.

I guess I just felt overwhelmed with the situation. In the end, I went to the appointment and got the ultrasound and blood test completed. Even that had a moment of panic because the Technician could not get the fetus to pose in the right position in order to get a shot of the back of the neck. That is the area that they measure in order to determine chromosomal disorders. She mentioned rescheduling me again! She did a regular ultrasound on my stomach and then went in vaginally due to not being able to get the right angle.

That was when I just asked my Higher Power to please give me patience and then "click". She went back to doing it on my stomach and finally got the shot she was looking for.

Now I just need to think positive about the results. Of course, you don't get those right away!

I weighed-in at the clinic at 183 pounds. Yet another blow to my already fragile psyche. This week, I really hope to get back to some of my exercise routine and Pilates DVD. I've been so tired after work that I haven't done much except for walking the dogs. I think that returning to working out will really help me all the way around. Here's a book that my dad's girlfriend sent to me, this does not help! Just kidding, it was kind of funny but kind of lame at the same time.

She also sent me this VERY helpful book called, "What To Expect - EATING WELL" from the series "What to Expect when you're Expecting".
This book has some wonderful recipes that I can't wait to try. My first inspiration: baked sweet potatoes for the Vitamin A! I just drizzled a little olive oil over the raw yam, a pinch of sea salt and then wrapped it in tin foil and threw them in the oven for about 45 minutes at 450 degrees. Very tasty and filling. Please keep me in your prayers and have a fantastic week!

New West Fest!

2010-08-23T11:00:00.011-06:00

I finally got to hear the heartbeat of the little life that's inside me. It was very reassuring to know that all is well. I met my doctor (finally) and he looks like Frodo Baggins except that he's follicle-ly challenged (has thinning hair) - his name is Dr. Stern however he seems anything but stern. I like that! He's young (ish) and he exudes good energy, I will look forward to being his patient.

We've already discussed that fact that having a c-section will probably be the best route for me, so even though it's early yet to be talking about "the birth" - that seems like how it happens in the medical community. Cover all the bases NOW so that depending on how things go, we at least have some sort of a game plan in place. I feel good about this.

Perry was with me at the appointment and he seemed a little shut down in some ways but excited (ish) to hear the heartbeat. I've seen him like this before, he takes a day or so to process and then seems to turn an emotional corner.

Yesterday, he brought me breakfast in bed. A TJ's Test Kitchen Breakfast Sandwich - essentially a Morning Star "sausage" patty and low-fat cheese on a reduced calorie English muffin. He even added a slice of tomato and some OJ on the side for the all important folic acid! He admitted later that it was weird to see another guy examining his wife. Perhaps he'd like to put his feet up in the stirrups for once, lol!

Moving on, this weekend was the Fort Collins New West Fest. It's a popular street fair with lots of different music venues. I was supposed to meet some members of the Fort Collins Ladies Club first and then roam around with them but unfortunately, I did not make the 12:45 reconnoiter time, so I was on my own. I only stayed an hour anyway, it was a hot hot day temperature wise.

I stood in line for a Frozen Lemonade and opted for the sugar-free concoction. It was pretty good, I watched how they made it, and it is crushed ice with Minute Maid Lemonade Light poured over it. $4 dollars for that! I'm breaking-in my new Fall purse. Do you like it? The theme of the festival was "Bohemian Nights" which fits a college town like this one. I listened to this band called "The Don'ts and Be Carefuls" while sipping my Lemonade. They had to have been absolutely wilting due to the heat! They sounded good, a little like The Cure.
I browsed around the booths, there was nothing that spectacular. Here are some roses made out of wood shavings. Nice! But who needs more clutter like this in the house? Certainly not me.

I did indulge in the 3 pairs of designer knock-off sunglasses for $20.00, that was my big splurge. I've already been enjoying them! I considered getting some food at one of the many vendors but the idea of walking and eating did not appeal to me. Some dizziness started to set-in anyway so I headed for home. Have a great week everyone!

The condition my condition is in...

2010-08-16T11:45:00.003-06:00

Hello! I'm still pregnant. I feel like my "adjustment period" is over when all I could do was worry about things related to my current condition.
Will I have a healthy child, how will people react, why are all my family members freaking out so hard core (in a good way)?! Here's a shocker: I've already gained too much weight! Yikes, apparently the body's caloric needs really don't change that much in the first trimester and so being up 5 big ones is kind of a red flag.
I'm struggling with finding balance. I'm not "on a diet" but yet, it's not a "free for all" either so this will probably be the subject of many blog posts going forward.

Case in point, a quesadilla oozing with cheese! Not so great.

On the other hand, a nice healthy snack of fresh fruit, tomatoes, cottage cheese, Mary's crackers and the best hummus ever invented!
My energy level varies. Sometimes I feel totally exhausted and skip my Pilates DVD. Other times, like yesterday, I feel up for pretty much anything which meant golfing with these goofballs!

My husband, the one in the green, is definitely getting more excited about having a kid. I just hope everything goes well. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about having a miscarriage or all the other risk factors like downs syndrome. But hey, this is what I wanted! I just need to follow my WIL motto and think positive.

One very nice thing is that I work from home, so PJ's and slippers are still my "business casual" clothes. I don't know how some women do this if they have to go out and harvest the rice paddies or walk 5 miles just to get clean water for cooking. I'm truly blessed in every way.

Rolling with the punches.

2010-07-29T15:25:00.005-06:00

Hello! Guess my weight is starting to creep back up there just a lil' bit...Yesterday I had my first appointment regarding being pregnant. It was pretty intense. The very first thing they talk to you about is all the risks that are involved - such as having a child with a heart condition and the possibility of down syndrome - due to my age. I'll be 37 in September.
I came home and shed a few tears, I'll admit it. However I know that this is just part of the process of being informed and it is their job to discuss these important points. Of course it seemed that mostly what they wanted to work out was the finances - money, money, money! It's hard not to be jaded. I know they run a business too so I must roll with the punches.

Luckily, there's always our walks to the lake that calm me down and never cease to remind me of all the things in life that I have to be grateful for. After all, I chose this.

I did fertility treatments in hopes that things would work out this way and now they have, so no more pity parties!

My husband is excited although he has that distinct deer in headlights look when the subject comes up. It's been a a time of adjustment for all of us.

My MIL is already totally and completely over the moon about the whole thing. Perry is her youngest (42 yrs. old) and the first to (hopefully) give her a grandchild. She's been listening to her friends brag about their own grandchildren for years so she is truly overjoyed.

It's actually very sweet if not just a tiny bit psycho, but who am I to judge?

My next visit won't be until 8/20 when I will get an ultrasound and they will listen for a heartbeat. I just pray all goes well and stays well.

I strive to stay on-track with my eating. I still love my green smoothies in the morning! I've had a few times where I've allowed myself to have ice cream and treats like that under the guise that I'm not on a diet right now. I need to keep a grounded perspective about my health and remember that it is always the right choice to eat when I'm hungry, stop before I'm full and stick to healthy choices.

I still read all your great blogs on a daily basis and this helps me so much in staying motivated and to keep my health as top priority. I still haven't shared with a lot of people about the big news. I'm very paranoid right now about something going wrong.

That is normal as everyone tells me this.
Can't wait for my day off tomorrow, yay! I actually have a golf date with a new female friend and I'm excited. My girlfriend population seems to be endangered right now. Not a whole heck of a lot going on socially!

However I also have a meet-up planned with the Fort Collins Ladies Club. This has been a fun way to expand my social circle. Go to meetup.com to see if there's a group in your area...

Talk soon!

Oceans of emotions

2010-07-15T12:00:00.003-06:00

Last night's WIL was a beautiful one. I love the peace and serenity that settles over me when I see the sun setting over the lake. While we walked with the dogs, I mostly listened to Perry vent about a really rude customer that he had yesterday.
I feel so angry when I hear how people treat him at his job as a salesman at a motorcycle shop. He has the patience of a saint. I'm afraid I would say something totally inappropriate and get fired. I deal with people over the phone which is hard enough. I swear, I really wonder how people were raised sometimes, but at least I don't ever have to really see or speak to them again. Face to face sales is a whole different animal. They keep coming back! It's nice that we can both retreat to the confines of our suburban palace and block out all that negativity. Perry heads to the cool basement (mancave) to get online and play some super violent war game with lots of shooting and blood. For me, relaxation time is watching one of my favorite reality shows: Top Chef. Gotta loves those gender differences!
(This is a pic of TC on the TV.)

I like to cook and watch the show at the same time, that way I get to pretend I'm a professional chef competing right along with everyone else. I regret to say that my ingredients weren't half as fun as what they were cooking with but still made for an enjoyable time.
My Quickfire Challenge was to make something out of whatever we had left in the fridge and cupboards! Frozen shrimp, boxed rice and a can of mild green chillies.

I used the last of our fresh veggies as well - some baby carrots and organic baby spinach. I just cooked them in a little olive oil and added in the other ingredients.

I steamed the shrimp first and then added it in so as to cut down on all the liquid that drains off when they thaw. The result: Delicious! A winner.

I hope everyone has a tremendously positive day! Life is too short to waste on negative thoughts and emotions. We have the power to decide our attitude moment to moment. I'm reminding myself of this!

LBWY and hesitantly happy

2010-07-12T12:01:00.003-06:00

Hello! What a great weekend that was. I took it easy, played some golf and enjoyed my house, my animals and all the things that I work so hard to have in my life. The above weight has been my LBWY - lowest blog weight yet. However, it didn't last for long. The Fourth of July holiday came and went...Then I woke up one morning and realized that Aunt Flo had not been in town yet. Strange. She's never late. Could it be? Has IT finally happened? At 36 years of age, could my body finally have decided that it was time to be pregnant?

Well, the test kit from Walgreens told me it was so. I understand that it's way too early to be letting the cat out of the bag but hey- this blog is a place to record my personal life and all that is happening.

Could I have finally found the elusive pot of gold at the end of my fertility rainbow?

All signs point to "yes"!
I'm still hesitant to be too happy as I know that it is usually better to wait for 2-3 months before really celebrating but I can't help it. This is what I've wanted for several years and have slowly been working my way through health/weight issues to this goal.

I'm on this journey. I am blessed no matter what happens and I will Walk in Loveliness each and every day. Stay posted!

Striving for balance

2010-07-03T09:24:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I took myself to one of my favorite places in the world - Watson Lake. It was a great way to enjoy nature and get exercise. Since Fridays are my day off, I start to feel tempted to loaf around the casa and graze out of the fridge. I just don't want to make that a habit anymore so I loaded up the dogs and set out for some sun, fun and adventure! The Cache La Poudre River

is just steps away from the lake. Both bodies of water are really full this time of year due to all the melting snow up in the high country. Thor even decided the water looked refreshing and he almost never wants to get wet! Blade was in and out of the water the whole time. He got away from me at one point and shook off near this fisherman guy. The dude was none too pleased to have dog water sprayed on him, so we had to make a graceful exit. But hey, if you're next to the water then you're bound to get wet at some point, right!?

The peace and serenity of this place never fails to feed my soul.

I even spied this little snake sunning itself on the bridge. He quickly slithered away so I only got his tail end.

Later on I ended up reaching out to a friend that I hadn't spoken to in awhile. We decided to get together and had way too much wine! (And that would be the main reason that I haven't called her in several weeks. She's always up for a cocktail and unfortunately, so am I!)

Then, I stopped at Arby's on the way home and picked-up sandwiches and fries for dinner.
That was not the best choice but I strive for balance in all aspects of my life. A mostly healthy day with a few indulgences along the way is not enough to derail me at this point! I'm gonna keep on truckin'!

Sunsets and questions

2010-07-01T10:00:00.003-06:00

There's just something about sunsets on a summer evening that soothe the soul.
No matter what kind of mood you're in or how the day has been, one look at the colors and clouds and there's an undeniable serenity that creeps into the mind and body. I have been consciously trying to keep my thoughts on a positive track regarding my health and fitness, my job and life in general but it has been a challenge lately. I continue to question myself as to my decisions, am I spinning my wheels at this job? Why don't I have a more exciting life?

I recognize that these are common questions that we all ask ourselves on this journey. I cannot get stuck here or waste time worrying about the future. My focus is on what feels good now - exercise, eating healthy food, staying hydrating and recognizing the silver lining when life throws me a curve ball. I have this divine moment of existence and nothing else.

I have been drawing a lot of inspiration lately from the writings and audio recordings of a man named Paul Lowe.

His teachings are definitely worth checking-out if you are into self-exploration. My favorite passage for the day comes from his article Beyond the conditioned mind.

"We begin to recognise that life presents us with what we need to evolve into
our greatest potential as a human being."

So, everything occurring in my life right now is for my highest good!

Make the change.

2010-06-30T09:16:00.003-06:00

Hello! Just checking-in with myself regarding weight. This weight was first thing this morning and I was relieved to discover that I'm still maintaining!
Last weekend I splurged on fair food at the Colorado Renaissance Festival - fried pickles, a turkey leg and a few french fries. I got back on track well enough this week. I'm totally low on groceries so that kind of keeps one in line when there's no extra goodies around. Breaking that stubborn barrier and blasting into the 160's is still my goal!

I'm getting so sick of writing about it, yet I can't give up. I know that eventually I will dig deep and find whatever it is I need in order to make a change.

What we think, we become.

2010-06-29T16:41:00.006-06:00

This quote is my inspiration for the rest of the summer! I am determined to let go of judgements about myself and others that threaten to cloud my vision of what is truly important to me in life.

This pic was taken of me on Sunday evening. Although it is a big improvement over last summer (see below), there are still things that would like to change about my appearance.
I know that everyone gets me on this! We all want to improve how we look. I've just been feeling uber unmotivated lately and I've been holding myself back.

I just need to think fitness.

My 37th Birthday is in September and it would be so great to be ten pounds down from where I am now. I know I can do it!

New experiences!

2010-06-26T10:46:00.004-06:00

Hello! I'm currently staying in Denver at my dad's place to take advantage of family time! My mom is up from Glenwood with my sister and niece. Even though my parents are divorced, they still maintain a close relationship and I am so grateful for this! Yesterday, we visited the Butterfly Pavilion and it was amazing. It is this huge indoor tropical rain forest with butterflies flitting all about in every color. There were also turtles and other small terrariums set-up to house centipedes, tarantulas and the like. Did not get a pic of those!
I am jazzed because I was ready for a new experience. Something different then my normal day in, day out routine. I'm present to the fact that my routine may be dull, but it also makes it easier to stay on track calorie-wise. Yesterday, I was gobbling up lunch as we had ordered a bunch of appetizers to share. I wasn't hungry, just enjoying the restaurant goodness of sliders, fries, mozzarella cheese sticks...My mom says, "Laura, now you don't want to blow your diet!".
I replied, "Screw that!" and kept on eating. One thing that struck me is how I don't actually feel like I'm on a diet. More like a quest for healthy living. Either way, she was just trying to be supportive - why is it so hard to take when others want to remind of us of OUR DIET?

Anyway, I'm proud of myself for only having a glass and a half of wine last night. So tempting to overindulge as I love the buzz that wine gives me. This morning, I took a brisk walk before heading to my dad's office to put in my four hours of work today.

This is the longest four hours EVER! Next-up, The Colorado Renaissance Festival. I'm getting excited about another new experience. I've always wanted to go to this but have never made it happen. I may allow myself a turkey leg and some other fair-type foods but will avoid anything fried! Hope you all have a fantastic Saturday.

2010-06-23T09:14:00.004-06:00

Just to recap about my last post, I'm so glad that I planned ahead for Father's Day! I felt like everything was covered and like I didn't have to spend the whole time preparing food. It's good to see I'm learning from other bloggers about the importance of planning!

(Me, my dad, his girlfriend Andrea, my cousin Kristyn)

Which was good because we worked up a golf hunger.

Ever since the weekend though, I have been struggling to stay on track.

I just feel kind of spent and have just couch-potatoed out the last two nights instead of getting the exercise that I need.

Tonight, I'll commit to at least a half hour on the treadmill and then my pilates DVD. I know it's a winning combination that will help me get my energy back up. It's time to kick my hump day into gear!

Planning ahead

2010-06-17T10:57:00.004-06:00

I was so inspired by Sheryl AKA *Bitchcakes*'s
most recent bikini post that I went back and read it again this morning.
I know that it can be me that one day puts on a skimpy suit and looks in the mirror and likes what she sees overall. At this time, I need to have a breakthrough in exercise. My pilates DVDs are wonderful but

I'm needing to focus more on cardio and really working up a sweat.

I considered getting out on my Rollerblades last night but opted for the treadmill. It is easier to bail out on the treadmill for me as you just have to push the "stop" button. Being outside and away from home helps because you can't just hop off a machine, you are the machine. Something to think about.

Perry and I will be hosting my dad, his girlfriend and my 16-year old cousin for Father's Day this Sunday. Our plans are to golf at 11:00am and head back to our place for lunch.

I know that I won't want to mess around much in the kitchen with food prep/cooking because time is too precious for that. My goal is to put together a healthy menu that pleases everyone, especially the cook!

I'm thinking of making it a very loose Italian-themed meal. The nice thing, all I have to do is troll some of my favorite blogs for meal ideas and recipes.

Here's what I have so far:

1. To start: veggies, hummus and homemade roasted sweet potato chips.

2. Melt in your mouth Italian sausages, done in the crock pot so it can be waiting for us when we walk in the door. I could serve these on sandwiches rolls with sauteed peppers and/or with spaghetti squash on the side.

3. Green Pizza , I hear that my cousin is now a Vegetarian and what teenager doesn't like pizza?

4. Maybe some kind of frozen yogurt with fruit for dessert.

5. Italian Margaritas?

I think this is a great start! I want to keep it simple, it's so easy to overdo when it comes to food. Then everyone leaves and you wonder why you went to so much trouble and expense for the 1/2 hour that it took for everyone to eat.

Hit me up with a comment if you have any groovy ideas re: my menu. Have a great day!

Speak-up!

2010-06-14T13:34:00.009-06:00

We're still growing strong on this weight-loss journey! I can't believe that it's Monday yet again - but here it is.
My weekend was relaxing and just what I needed. I'm starting to fall into this groove where I don't feel as guilty about taking down time. That nagging voice that I should be more productive or that I should be out socializing with friends has seemed to quiet down a little. I attribute some of this peace to the new found benefits of acupuncture.
I don't recommend getting rear-ended as a way to become introduced to this wonderful healing method, but it's been one of those silver lining sort of deals.
I've only had two sessions so far but the experience has been very soothing for my sore neck and shoulders. I thought I would have to deal with large needles and maybe some pain during the treatment however this practitioner seems to focus more on energy balancing which is less invasive. He also recommended that I look into Qigong.

I may have to get a DVD as an intro into this practice as it sounds fascinating!

Does anyone have any recommendations?

Speaking of trying new things...Perry and I tried a new-to-us restaurant on Sunday since he was awarded with a gift card at work.

It's a chain joint called Carrabba's Italian Grill. Of course we had to sit in the bar since the World Cup was on...

When in Rome!

I treated myself to a nice glass of red wine. That is my all time favorite alcoholic beverage.

I tried the Hogue Merlot.

And although I don't really recommend it, I did love how it came poured into a tiny carafe,

then the waitress poured half of it in my glass at the table. I savored the first half with our soup/salad and then poured the rest in to enjoy with the entree. It was perfect. It seems like bread and olive oil are to Italian restaurants what chips and salsa are to Mexican places. Not that I'm complaining!

The open air kitchen was the key concept at Carrabba's. They make most of the food in-house right when you order so that you can customize it to your own taste. I started with the spicy sausage and lentil soup with a sprinkle of parm. It was good on a chilly rainy day like yesterday. Lentils are an acquired taste/texture but I think I could grow to like them.
Perry had the Seafood Cannelloni which was not quite what he was expecting. It seemed like kind of a small portion but it was rich. He finished it all which is pretty unusual, especially after all the salad and bread he had, so I doubt he would order this again based on size alone. It's hard to beat Spaghetti and Meatballs. This is my go-to dish at any given Italian place and it hardly ever disappoints. I asked for a shaker of crushed red pepper flakes because it was so mild and some like it hot!

It occurred to me much later that I should have stated my preference for heat when I ordered. The server made a point to tell us that dishes could be customized! I'm such a robot sometimes! It's time to wake-up and speak-up!

Small wonders

2010-06-10T14:53:00.008-06:00

Walk in Loveliness starts in my very own yard...and my heart. I still remain inspired by this allium that's growing in our rocks.

Perry planted the bulb several months ago and to see the growth and change from day to day has been like watching a little bit of magic unfold. It stood tall and proud this morning and bravely unveiled all the tantalizing hues of violet to the world! I am here. I am beautiful. I am alive.

Acceptance

2010-06-09T10:22:00.004-06:00

This may sound weird but I am happy about my gain!
The truth is, I expected it to be more of a gain since I have not tracked my numbers on this blog since the end of April.
I have been jumping on the scale periodically but have lost motivation the last couple of weeks. Now it's time to get back to it full force while still having fun!
It's so beautiful this time of year! I am trulyblessed to be alive and have countless things to be grateful for.
I've done some thinking over the last couple of weeks regarding my "voice", my "identity" in this world, and have landed in a nice place of acceptance.
I embrace all parts of my physical body and love myself as a whole and complete woman. It was not working to just like some parts of myself and reject others. I must love the entire package in order to attain the genuine health and vitality that I seek.

My allium is getting ready to pop! I feel a kindred spirit with this flower (it's a member of the onion family) as it reaches toward the sky just a little bit more every day.
It takes in water and sunlight as it feeds from mother earth for strength and the ability to change.

Cherry-Peach-Lemon Smoothie

2010-06-08T10:23:00.004-06:00

Thank you all SO much for the supportive comments about my car accident. Luckily, the lady that hit me was at fault, she got the traffic citation and her insurance is covering my car repairs, etc. The doctor at the Urgent Care Clinic gave me the card of an Acupuncturist as a recommendation for my neck injury. I had my first treatment and I loved it! So on a positive note, I'm happy to have been introduced to such a unique way to heal the body and I will definitely have a few more sessions.
I thought the drama was over until yesterday when Thor started excessively slobbering, panting, falling over and just acting very sick. I was working but was so worried that I almost bailed out and took him to the Vet myself. Luckily, my SIL came to the rescue and took him for me. It was so hard making that call to her. I thought I had it together but as soon as I heard her voice, I cracked! She couldn't even understand what I was saying at first. Poor thing. She had to ask me to "calm down and breath" before I could finally make sense. How embarrassing! She adores Thor and saw the severity of the situation when she came over to my house. I thought that he had ingested some kind of poison (pesticide, ant poison, whatever!). My thoughts of course drifted to him being on his death bed.
One emergency trip to the Vet later and he came home a different dog! Turns out he had a condition known as Old Dog Vestibular Syndrome. Poor guy had a dizzy spell.
The dog doc prescribed over-the-counter travel sickness pills for him (the kind that humans take). I felt later like I had overreacted - but I was unfamiliar with the symptoms of the syndrome.
So, all is well but I am pretty drained after the experience and am thinking that maybe I should not have called Jennifer in such a panic. I first called my husband since it was his day off but he was golfing with his buddies, I left a message on his cell, but had no idea when he might get it.
I was overwhelmed and truthfully, I feel like I don't handle these situations with as much clear-headedness since I suffered a stroke in November of 2009. I panic easier and am way more emotional...At this point I just need to accept that I did the best I could, forgive myself and move on. Thor is doing great and that's the most important thing.
Today I am feeling optimistic and ready to go forward into the next shit storm that life brings. Ha ha, just kidding. But not really.
I wanted something very healing for breakfast so I opted for a Cherry-Peach-Lemon Smoothie. I recently bought these cherries because they looked so enticing however they were just so-so on taste -I must use them up before they get too soft.

It took awhile to get the pits out - but I stayed focused. A touch of honey for some sweetness!

Just peachy.

These 100 calorie Yoplait Delights are pretty good, this flavor is Lemon Torte. Fancy!

Added little ice and a splash of milk to round it out.

My Cherry-Peach-Lemon Smoothie tasted tart and delicious - and was packed with all the benefits of fresh fruit.
This gave me a great start to my day. I feel ready to get back on full-force-focus with my weight and where I am at on the scale. I haven't tracked for quite some time and am feeling like I'm drifting back to old patterns that are no longer useful. I'll weigh-in tomorrow, face the music and move forward. I love reading your Blogs, thanks for the inspiration and encouragement!

Uh Oh!

2010-06-05T08:48:00.004-06:00

Hi! I was recently rear-ended by a huge Yukon Denali. I'm fine and thank goodness that my passenger is also OK. I have been taking it easy and doing some thinking. Uh oh!

I'm ready to get back on the blog bus. I feel like it's time to get refocused on discovering my love of health and fitness and how much fun it can actually be. I want to come out and play!

My questions are:

How to I find a balance between the discipline it takes to achieve my goals and the loving gentleness with which I want to treat myself?
Why am I doing this?
What are my goals the weight-loss arena?
Where is my voice here and how can I uncover what truly works for me?
Why am I making it so hard?

In some ways, I feel like I'm still operating under that fantasy of, Things would be so much better if I could just get to my goal weight. In reality, It is what it is. My attitude determines my experiences and that will be the case no matter what I weigh or how I look. So the bottom line is, if something in my life is not in balance then I have to change.

There are no outside forces that will "fix it". Just me. I have to be the force and the energy behind staying on course and doing what I know is best for how I want to live my life. Do this and still remain fully expressed in spirit and not suppressed by rigidity and self-judgement. So this is the work - I mean PLAY that I must do. I'm ready to have fun with this! I'm ready to Lighten Up Laura. This is an exciting time to be alive and I have so many opportunities to enjoy the world. If there is one thing that I feel holds me back from going for it, it's the judgements that I have about myself and my body. So THAT is what I must transform in order to really make some progress.

This is my situation and I embrace where I'm at today. I love and accept myself, and honor that part of me that also wants to evolve to a healthier weight.

Wait-and-See Attitude

2010-05-25T10:47:00.004-06:00

Hello! Last night I attended a dinner for members of the Fort Collins Ladies Club at Las Tres Margaritas. I knew before hand that I was not going to know anyone since I am a new member - but how will I meet people if I don't get out, right?
I'm glad that I went and want to continue to participate in other activities that they organize. Sure, it was a little awkward, especially since I was the late-comer due to work hours. Everyone had already ordered by the time I showed up so I was "forced" to watch ladies get their meals before I even ordered. That is always weird. At least there was chips-n-salsa to snack on! I did eat more chips then planned. This Sangria was also unplanned as I toyed with the idea of not drinking, but had a wait and see attitude. Is that wrong? Once I got there and saw that most of the others had a margarita, I made up my mind. It was a weak drink, but festive. So it was perfect really.

Thumbs-up on their salsa, it was just spicy enough. I had to explain that I was "blogging" my food to the group. No one really seemed to know much about fitness/food blogging which I thought was strange. I ordered Green Chili with tortillas as my entree. It was amazing!I went with corn tortillas vs. flour as they seem so much more flavorful to me. Full disclosure here, I got a frozen custard from Culver's on my way home. Loved it. After all is said and done, I have embraced more social opportunities now that I feel more confident. That feels good on an emotional level and one of my goals is to expand my social circle.

However, I am still struggling with the last 20 (or so) pounds that I want to lose. And that right there is the frustrating thing - because I know why I haven't made much progress lately.

Now I just need to dig out the motivation I have inside to really make a difference.

I know I can do it, even if it feels like I'm not getting anywhere right now.

Feline Supervision II

2010-05-18T12:53:00.003-06:00

Day two of being under feline supervision is going stellar!
Boy, these cats really know how to give me a look that says, "!".
Unfortunately, I don't speak their language. It may be something along the lines of,
"You know, you are the only one that's holding yourself back from the weight-loss goals outlined in WIL. Fucking get on with it already and stop looking for ancillary items to add to the much-too-lengthy Excuse List." So I find myself on the threshold of a break through, again. I want the 160's!!

Seriously though - my cats give great advice. I'm pretty sure they do incorporate swear words into their vocab. so I'm not off by much there, if at all.

Feline Supervision

2010-05-17T15:03:00.011-06:00

This morning I enjoyed my Spinach Banana Smoothie under tight supervision.

Hopefully, she has forgiven me for getting her shaved.

What do you think?
Sunday I golfed with my husband and his buddies. I often feel concerned that Perry's friends would rather not have me along. They might feel that way at times, but overall they don't mind me tagging along, and my man wants me there!

Anyway...just needed to say that. It sucks to be insecure.

We splurged for carts this time so the walking was definitely cut in half.

I snacked on a corner sack of almonds around the fifth or sixth hole.

They were fished out of the bottom of my golf bag. Just a little chewy and shriveled!

Note to self: find good golf snacks that last.

After golf, I left the guys to "jam" at our house. I decided to take some time and visit our Old Town. The sun was shinin' and so there were lots of people shopping, eating and hanging out.

I got a walk-around treat from Walrus Ice Cream. I have loved this place since coming here to go to CSU in 1997!

I chose Chocolate Cake Batter with Marshmallow Cream topping.

Lookout! It was too sweet for it to be truly perfect but I managed to finish 'er off. Hey, it was a "small". Here's the fountain in Old Town Square - it is a good central place to meet people before going out. There were a couple of musicians on stage playing live music for people to enjoy. We are all really just trying to connect with something, aren't we? There turned out to be a small Native American Arts Festival goin' on. Very cool!

I cruised around to the different booths as I needed to walk off that ice cream. Then on the way back to my car, I was waylaid by the longest train in history! One annoying thing about Fort Collins is that there are lots of trains going through the center of traffic at various times.

They stop everything and are super noisy.

I always catch a train when I'm running late somewhere, it's inevitable.In this situation, I made the best of it and took another lap around the block. I can always use more walking. Again, the ice cream. Once I confirmed via text that the boys were gone and the house was once again cootie free, I headed to The Chili House for some Chinese takeout to bring home.

I was SO NOT in the mood to cook. My Kung Pao Tofu was delish and did have a decent amount of veggies! So, ice cream and take-out aren't the healthiest foods for a flogger, I know.

However, I want to accept that it was more of an exception then the "rule",

and not have days like this pull me into a tailspin.
By the way my cat was looking at me this morning, I think I'm gonna stay on track this week!

A deep breath

2010-05-16T10:35:00.003-06:00

Ahhh. I love Sundays! It's like a deep breath of fresh air after a long-ass week. I'm feeling a renewed sense of commitment to me physical health. I finally watched the movie Food Inc. last week. I know, I'm like a year behind the times. I'm glad I saw the film and will attempt to harness the emotions that it evoked in me to make different, albeit subtle changes in what I eat. It's finally feeling like summer here and that surge of life, that force, the energy of things growing is all around me.

I hadn't eaten meat since seeing Food Inc., mainly because of how grossed out I was, but last night I made an exception. We had the fried chicken strips at one of our favorite hang-outs.

It was so nice just to go out for a relaxing drink with Perry. We both had long weeks and he came home from work very stressed out, so a change of atmosphere was just the ticket.

I had my second of four golf lessons on Saturday afternoon, and didn't even change clothes for going out. That's how I roll! I did slap on more mascara and lip gloss.

I'm SO glad that I reached out and joined women.meetup.com A.K.A. The Fort Collins Ladies Club. It just sounds classy! The golf lessons are the first activity I've done but plan to do more as part of this club. It's kind of like a dating service but more for women looking for fellow friends to just do stuff with.

I enjoyed one glass of Kendal Jackson Zinfandel and that was perfect. I really feel so much better the next day when I just stop after one drink.

The P-dogg enjoyed his usual which is a Crown-n-Coke. He also adhered to the one drink rule. We were so glad that we did this!

Keeping it real.

2010-05-15T09:43:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I spent some quality time with a good friend. I always love getting together with her because we keep it real! We talk about interesting things that are going on in the world as well as the personal stuff - like what our crazy families are up to now. LUNCH is one of our favorite ways to connect and this time around we chose Inca Mexican Restaurant because Mexican food rocks!

We both agreed to skip cocktail hour and just get soft drinks so I went with a Diet Coke...

The chips-n-salsa were enjoyed but there were plenty of chips left in the basket after we were finished. That's a good sign! I went with the Shrimp Salad which turned out to be a pretty good choice although it was all Iceberg lettuce. I used the tasty salsa as dressing! I pretty much ate the entire salad and nibbled a little on the crispy shell but had to check myself on that one. It is so easy to chat away and mindlessly toss back bites of leftovers, I wish the waiter would have removed my plate sooner! Then we walked around the Foothills Fashion Mall which is our town's big indoor mall. We both got small Blizzards from Dairy Queen (that was the only thing I bought, amazing!).

It was a fun treat and I really enjoyed it. There was a little guilt about this in my psyche. I knew it was not 100% in alignment with what I'm trying to do calorie-wise. On the other hand, I found reasons to justify it. My friend carries this Fossil wallet around in place of a purse. I can't believe that she can get by with such a minimal vehicle for stuff! No lip gloss? No gum! We laughed at our differences.

Sometimes, that is what friendship is all about.

How's the weather?

2010-05-12T10:44:00.004-06:00

The weather! Now that's a nice neutral subject with which to start a blogversation. Hello! This was my backyard this morning. It should be the last late snow of the season...
If my cat was brave enough to venture out, then why not me and the dogs? We can still WIL!I'm getting pretty skilled at topping things with the 15 calorie Reddi Whip. As much fun as that is, I need to get refocused on my health and fitness. I'm ready! I will fight my way up and out of all my excuses and justifications that have been slowing me down. Just like this little allium is staying strong against the storm, I will persevere. It's time to bloom!

It's a toss up.

2010-05-06T11:41:00.004-06:00

Just to follow-up on last night's "Crackpot" post...El pollo con zanahorias turned out super bien! Someone (she has an awesome blog btw) wondered how I put this meal together at work and the answer is: I work from home. That being said, my time is not my own between 9am and 6pm, I still have to adhere to the half hour lunch and two fifteen minute break schedule.
Since I work on the phone all day, "they" would know if I was slacking off.
One of the reasons that I have enjoyed blogging and the whole blogosphere is that it helps me not to feel isolated here at home.
I have tons of interesting blogs to read and comment on all day - between phone calls (sometimes during calls - ooops! don't let that get out...).
I pray that I never have to commute the hour (one way) into the office ever again - as I did that for YEARS before earning the privilege to work de la casa. I feel like it has made a huge difference in my ability to have the time/energy to exercise and eat better. I garnished my final product with a delicious wedge of fresh avocado and some Green Tabasco. See? There's Idol on T.V. It's kind of a silly show, I know but for some reason, I look forward to watching it so whatever! Many of the health gurus advise us not to eat in front of the T.V. - but I find that it's kind of relaxing. On the other hand, it can be a whole different experience to sit down at the table and just concentrate on the act of eating on it's own. So it's a toss up.

For dessert I enjoyed a Jello-Pudding cup. 60 calories for one of these things is not bad but - HELLO taste? It's rather unsatisfying by itself so I gussy it up with Cool Whip Light, Dark Chocolate Chips and some almonds for crunch. I was really full after this meal!

Maybe the T.V. watching distracted me from being in touch with my stomach?

Next on the TIVO list was Top Chef Masters. I was actually glad about how full I felt because watching this show does make me want to eat stuff!

Chicken

2010-05-05T16:52:00.005-06:00

Hello! I've been so inspired by everyone and their Cinco de Mayo dishes that a threw together a little somethin' of my own. Pollo con zanahorias! I had to do it muy rapido since I only get two fifteen minute breaks and I had already used-up 16 minutes today.
Crockpot-cooking works so well for me. I know it will eventually turn out great and I don't have to supervise like when using oven/stove top methods.

I grabbed a few spices for flavor and just shook'em in. I love the cans of pickled carrots and jalapenos that are found in some stores, so I threw in a couple of spoonfuls of this along with the juice to try and re-create some of that yum. This "Better Than Bouillon" goo is so tasty. I won't go back to the powder, I'm a convert. Onion chunks were added for flavor. They can be picked out at the end (by my husband) or enjoyed (by me). I use this juice quite a bit for making stuff in the Crockpot, I love ALL tomato products. Some fresh lemon juice went in too, you just can't go wrong with lemon, and it seemed like it would pair well with the other ingredients.
Lastly, I quickly wiped everything down since raw chicken germs and get flung far and wide. Unfortunately, that was my downfall. I ended up using another 16 minutes which put me 2 over, aaaahhh. I may hear about it tomorrow from my supervisor or I may not.

Hopefully NOT!...I'm looking forward to getting in some exercise tonight and then watching American Idol on TIVO.

I know, I'm crazy like that!

Time to think.

2010-05-04T09:51:00.006-06:00

Last night we had a much needed Walk in Loveliness. I also put in a half hour on the treadmill and did my "Fat Burning" Pilates DVD. I'm up 3 pounds to 173 this morning. I know why. I haven't been giving it my all. I've been feeling moody and falling back on using food to cope with my emotions (think undocumented bowls of ice cream).
Some of it has to do with my infertility issues that I've touched on before. Things aren't going well and I have a range of feelings anywhere from wanting to give up on the whole process, then swaying towards trying to stay positive and be grateful for what I DO have in my life. I am working with someone in order to get support, Lynne Morrell has been such a great help to me. However, I'm even thinking about putting my sessions with her on hold for now. I just might need some time to think on my own.

Walking to the lake is good therapy, and free! I am so fortunate and blessed in many ways. I've also worked hard in this last year to come down to the 170's from the 200 lb range - I KNOW this is still my priority. I've had a minor set-back this last week and can't allow this to be the downward-trend-trap that I've fallen into before.

Dinner last night was steamed broccoli and salmon. Fantastic food for getting one's mojo back.

I looked up some cooking instructions on the internet. That's pretty much my go-to source for all cooking questions these days. This was a one-pound filet, so I went with a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes. It turned out pretty good! No extra oil was added, just lemon, salt, pepper and dried dill.
I hope that everyone has a terrific Tuesday! Thanks for inspiring me with your blogs.

"Spaghetti" and Beer

2010-05-02T14:57:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I finally got around to making spaghetti squash a la the Escape from Obesity way. I read a step-by-step tutorial last week on her blog and really wanted to try it.

The microwave method was right up my alley, so I picked up this "Big Chuy" the last time that I was at Wal-Mart. The squash skin was so much easier to cut into once softened by the microwave. Loved it! The key is to pre-cut a hole before nuking.

I cut two holes since my first one seemed too small - but I think I was just being paranoid. I also enjoyed this jar sauce that I bought specifically for the "spaghetti". It was not too sweet the way some store-bought sauces are, the flavor was richly tomato but still light, perfect for adding some excitement to the mildness of the squash. I put a cheese stick on top. The label read 170 calories for 2 sticks, and I had about 5 so, not awesome in that department. I'm struggling a little bit with my choices/motivation lately. That night, Perry came home with the wonderful news that he was awarded Salesman of the Month at his work. We headed out to a place called The Hideout for a couple of celebratory drinks. If you guessed "Biker Bar" then you'd be right. The P-dogg sells motorcycles (and other motorsport vehicles) so it seemed fitting. The only downside is that this place's big claim to fame is that you can still smoke here. Smoking in bars/restaurants was banned in Fort Collins several years back. There is a big sign by the bar that reads: This Is A Work-Free Smoke Place. That says it all. We sat outside.

I had a couple of Bud Lights which hit the spot. It is still freezing here!
Good for keeping the drinks cool, but I was so glad that I had grabbed my jacket and hat before we left. I don't like being cold.

The husband enjoyed his much-deserved Crown-n-Coke. Pinkie out!

This coming week, I'm really gonna try to turn things around in the attitude department.

I know I can do it!

Feeling Nesty!

2010-04-29T10:51:00.007-06:00

Last night I took another Blades of Glory skate. I brought my camera along with me in case anything should catch my eye. As I sailed by all the trees in my neighborhood that have yet to sprout leaves, I noticed so many beautiful nests! I kept seeing more and more nests and became so inspired by the beauty and utility of such a unique structure.

I composed a short poem in their honor.

Nest

The place of power within myself is like this nest.

It is designed for the safe-keeping of fragile things.

My nest is sturdy, yet capable of breaking down.

And can be built again.

I'm STILL working on getting into the 160's. Kind of wondering what is holding me back mentally from allowing this physical transition. There is definitely something there. Maybe there is some part of my nest that needs reconstruction?

We woke up to snow this morning. It is probably one of the last spring cold snaps to blow through. I'm sure glad that I decided to do my skate/nest hunt when I did.

Who knows which ones will withstand the storm?

Boobquake 2010

2010-04-26T10:01:00.004-06:00

Boobquake 2010! Has anyone heard about this?

I will be participating today and so far, all is well.

Read about it here: Blaghag.

Girls rock!

Holding my own

2010-04-25T19:05:00.009-06:00

Golfin' on a Sunday afternoon! I walked 9 holes with P-dogg and his best buddy Stu. They are both excellent athletes, so it can be kind of intimidating to be the only chick but I held my own.
I noticed that when Stu casually put his arm around me for this picture, I really tensed up and became what I call "hyper-aware" of myself.
I wish I was more at ease with physical contact like this. I envy those that can seem to hug, hand-shake or touch others in a friendly way with no self-consciousness. Stu is a Physical Therapist by profession so is very much a pro at one-on-one contact. Guys seem to be better at "sports touching" overall. It seems like they are always high-fiving, chest-bumping, rump-slapping and man-hugging with abandon!
Hopefully, the more I learn to love and accept myself, the easier situations like this will become. My husband and his friend are fun to hang-out with, so I'm lucky that they are open to me joining them on the course.

The clubs are taking some serious punishment, in a good way!

After golf, I left the boys alone as their third band mate showed up at our place so they could "jam". I totally support their bromance and feel that it's imperative for them to have guy time. I had important things to do like lunch and shopping anyway. Some things are still sacred.

I took the dogs with me for company and we headed over to one of the many outdoor life-style malls that have popped up in this area. Think Bed, Bath & Beyond, Pet-Smart and the like. I got the Burrito Bowl with barbacoa meat for lunch, it was so good. Look at that guac!

Not exactly low-cal in anyway except that I didn't have the tortilla, lol. I enjoyed this meal in my car. Eating alone in restaurants, yet another thing to add to my list of "things I hope to be more comfortable with at some point". It's a long list.

A healthy alternative

2010-04-24T18:21:00.006-06:00

Tonight I had a major hankerin' for french fries! I knew that fast food was not the answer for me and that I had the skills to make something that would be healthier and leave me feeling better than any take-out imaginable.

I looked at the nutritional label for these potatoes and was floored to read 110 calories per potato! They are not that big! I was shocked.

Anyway, I decided to roast some cauliflower as well so that I could have one wedge of potato and two of cauliflower in order to satisfy my craving and not consume upwards of 500 calories.

It would have been easy to do as I haven't even added ketchup yet... To spice 'em up, I sprinkled on dried minced garlic, curry powder, pepper, paprika and parsley. Salt was purposely avoided since my husband has high blood pressure and we are really working on getting it down.

The funny thing was, I enjoyed the cauliflower and found it much more flavorful than the "fries".

Since it has been windy, rainy and cold here Blade has not gotten out for as long of walks as usual.

It seemed like he was saying, "Mom, I'm bored!" Although he loves snuggling into "his chair".
So off we went for a windy Walk in Loveliness. We were all glad to get out and that's why I love having dogs, they give me that extra reason to really go for it. We didn't crop Blade's tail, his breed mix determined that. I don't care what anyone says, I love dandelions. They always seem to pop-up with a cheerful "hello!".

Next on the agenda: Pilates DVD and I must drink more water.

I can feel my body asking for it. Let's all have some, cheers!

It's raining...

2010-04-22T10:17:00.007-06:00

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. He went to
bed and bumped his head. And he couldn't get up in the
morning...
I love the rain!
We need it here in NoCo (northern Colorado).
This little robin is enjoying it too, see him in the street?Our trees are drinking it in!

Things are greenin' up in the back yard as well.

We had a great Walk in Loveliness last night. This little lake is such a tranquil destination and so close to our house. I start to "fantasize" about walking here before I even get off work. Thumbs up from the P-dogg!The sky started to get heavy with thunder clouds on our way back and sure enough, it stormed all night. That was fine with me! I got my Pilates DVD workout on - plus 15 minutes on the treadmill - then it was time for Tivo'd American Idol. I fast-forwarded through most of it however Mary J. Blige's rendition of Stairway to Heaven was most excellent.

I can't wait to see this allium come into bloom, hopefully I can keep it alive long enough...

This weather gave me a hankerin' for comfort food.

So peaches-n-cottage cheese it was. Just like at Grandma's house!

It really hit the spot.60 Calories per half cup is not too bad for canned fruit.

Tomorrow is my day off so I will have to get to the store for more fresh fruit and veggies.

Until then, it's pantry shopping.

I may even go with a can of chicken noodle soup for lunch for the ultimate comfort food experience.

I'm already on a roll! I love reading all of your blogs! If you follow me, and I don't follow you yet (and you'd like another follower) then leave me a comment and I'll get on it. Thanks!

Mission Completed!

2010-04-21T11:10:00.004-06:00

Thanks to MB's post yesterday at Why The Weight? ,I remembered my own "4/20" pledge to do 99 minutes of exercise. This challenge was initiated by The Anti-Jared and Prior Fat Girl, two blogs that really give me inspiration so I got on board!

I'm not sure if it was only supposed to be on the Stairmaster - but I chose to make it my own by doing two Pilates DVD workouts - one was a 30 minute, all floor routine, the other was a 43 minute "Fat Burning" routine which is more dance-type moves with more floor work thrown in at the end. So that was 73 minutes. Then, I walked for 20 minutes on the treadmill for a total of 83 minutes and wrapped up with some weight training.

This was a fun challenge and I did push myself!

I also had some company which was nice!We rounded out the night watching NBA Basketball playoffs and had a healthy dinner of steamed broccoli with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - Zero Calorie Spray, along with a side of rice, melted cheese, salsa and avocado. Instead of dessert, I fixed myself a "mocktail" using flavored soda water and lemon juice. 4/20 Mission Complete!

Putting it all together.

2010-04-17T19:55:00.005-06:00

It's Saturday Night! Woo hoo...I thought about picking up some wine for myself to enjoy tonight but I'm glad that I resisted. I'm still not out of the 170's yet, must focus. I know I can get there and that I just need to put a couple of good days together and that turns into a good week, etc.

Just a little something bothering me, I should not have bragged about having 30 followers in my last post, someone unfollowed me right after. Guess they thought that I needed to get off my high horse. No worries. I'm too sensitive! That is part of what had me turn to food for comfort in the first place. Letting little things like that get to me. Moving on. I received a small increase in my work wages. Yeah! I'm stoked about this because last year, not only did my company put a moratorium on raises, I actually had to take a pay cut because the account I was on went away.

All due to the economy.

On the bright side, because I switched accounts, I was able to become a Remote Agent and work from home. Cutting out that hour commute to work each way has been one of the most helpful factors in my weight-loss so far. I just need to keep going!

I went Rollerblading this evening and that's a NSV thing that I did for myself. See official documentation above. I listened to Santana's Greatest Hits - fabuloso! It was just the right kind of beat and ya gotta love Carlos. Oye, como va? I tried these Honey Stinger chews recently. Found 'em at Whole Foods and I ate the whole bag in the car on the way home. They were very much like little jelly candies and very addictive. I won't be buying them to keep around the house, I'm glad that I tried something new. And so far, I've been doing really well at cutting back on the cookies too.

Now is the time!

2010-04-15T09:13:00.004-06:00

It's time to Spring into action! Another threshold weigh-in! STILL so close to the 160's. I know that if I really focus on portion control, healthy foods and exercise over the next couple of days, it 'WIL' finally mean the end to my Spring OUT of the 170's Personal Challenge. I have been working on this challenge for quite some time and I must say, I'm READY to complete it! I'm gonna keep my eye on the prize, just like the she-wolf that is my inspiration for this goal.
She is strong, committed and SPRINGING into action! I must blog a little about my choices over the last couple of days. Fig Newtons for breakfast? Oh yes, that's been happening. I have to own it because I am the one that brought these home from the store. Shopping when hungry, not the optimum state for browsing down the cookie/cracker aisle.

Politically, we are a very pro-cookie household. Usually, I can control myself by stopping at just one or two after a meal, but I have been drifting off course. Just because they have "fat free" or "reduced fat" on the label does not mean it's a free for all. I forced myself to check the nutrition labels today and the Newtons are only 2 cookies for a whopping 90 calories. That was more calories then I thought for just two. The Chips Ahoy are 3 for 140 calories. So I move forward! I feel strong with the force of my re-newed vow of keeping my cookie consumption under control. I am optimistic that I will be able to say "Toodle-OOO" to the 170's very very soon and lastly, I am so excited to have 30 followers! This only gives me the motivation I've been needing to forge ahead with enthusiasm and faith in self.

Just putting it out there...

2010-04-13T10:23:00.004-06:00

This morning the scale read: 171.2. I'm sooo close to Springing OUT of the 170's!

My feelings are weirdly mixed at this moment. On one level, I know that I can and WANT to keep moving in the right direction with mindful eating and exercise. On the other hand, there is a small part of me that thinks that maybe I am doomed to be in this crazy state of constantly fighting to get the pounds off FOREVER!

I'm ready to let go of that nagging voice that tells me it's not possible for me to be happy and that I just wasn't meant to be "thin".

There's a part of me that is worried that I will have to starve myself in order to lose weight, even though I have definitely not been starving so far, and "magically", the weight has been slowly coming off.

A voice sometimes whispers to me that even if I get down to my goal of 150 pounds, I could still easily gain it back, so why even try? Maybe I'll get to that number on the scale and still feel fat. So what's the difference? Why put all this effort out there?

There's thoughts that I have of getting to my goal and never feeling any better about myself.

I will still be that slightly angry girl that keeps people at arms length and then wonders why she doesn't have many friends. These thinking patterns are so old and tired. They feel so ingrained though.

I'm ready lift off. I'm ready to fly. I want to not just lose weight. I want to shed the unproductive thoughts, habits and ways that I have developed in order to keep myself "safe". To isolate myself from the outside world and anything that could potentially be painful. For me, this journey is so much more than just what the scale says although that is the progress-measuring tool that works for me for now.

I accept that losing weight is not the answer to all of my problems. I honor the fact that I choose to work on changing my daily thoughts as well as my daily actions. I am aware that hurtful things happen and always will, however I am developing the tools to deal with those situations.

I am a strong and loving person. I am human. I am not perfect and that is OK.

I am committed to my goals regarding healthy, happy living.

Today, I will Walk in Loveliness.

The Queen approves!

2010-04-12T10:25:00.005-06:00

I had a fantastic Sunday! Perry treated me like a Queen! Rightfully so, ha ha.
Knowing that we had plans to go out to lunch later, I started us off with green smoothies for breakfast.
I'm still at the basic level with these drinks - banana, raw baby spinach, low-fat milk, Oikos Greek yogurt (honey flavor), honey, cinnamon.
Perfection! We caught the 11AM showing of Clash of the Titans.
Early movies are nice due to the fact that there are less people at the theater!
The Cinemark rocks because of the stadium seating. I may be ready to let this navy blue sweater vest thing go to Goodwill. I bought it around Xmas time at Wal-Mart in the plus-size section. It made me feel "fat" wearing it out yesterday. Psychological.
In fact, I took it off right before leaving the house, then tried on a few other things and then put it back on and just went with it. The movie was excellent! Another nice thing about an early show is that afterwards, you can discuss the finer points of it over lunch. We had a gift card to Macaroni Grill which was just walking distance from the Cinemark, yay!
We had never been to this chain restaurant before and were pleasantly surprised by the slightly upscale atmosphere. However, being a kid at heart, just give me crayons and butcher paper and I'm happy!All the tables had this set-up so why not?As soon as the hostess sat us, she pitched the Marinated Olive Appetizer Special and told us how good it was. Then Brad, our waiter, came and re-pitched it, once again emphasizing to us just how amazing these frickin' olives were. I was beginning to fear what would happen if we didn't order them. Sheeshh! So we said, "OK".
Have you ever ordered something just to be nice?
I mean, they were good and only $3.95, so it wasn't that big of a deal. On the other hand, we were total suckers to this power of suggestion marketing ploy and I didn't like the way that felt. The bread was awesome! As pictured above, there is a huge bottle of olive oil sitting at your table just calling out to be slathered on that loaf. We definitely indulged there. Knowing the benefits of olive oil, I felt pretty good about eating it but 120 calories per TBSP is no joke.

This is what happens when you ask the P-dogg to "just look normal". Now that's a joke!

We ordered Arnold Palmers in honor of The Masters Tournament!
I had the grilled shrimp which came skewed on sticks over a bed of sauteed veggies - drowning in olive oil and garlic. Very good, but next time I will request "light on the oil" if possible. I'm not used to asking for things "When Harry Met Sally Style" at restaurants, but I want to get used to it.

My nutritional needs are important and I do I have a choice and a voice! Perry had the beef skewers and they were surprisingly tender. We swapped bite for bite.
Brad (I only remember his name because he wrote it in crayon on our table) came 'round to ask us if we wanted MORE bread. We polished off the first loaf along with the olives pretty quickly. (The fullness from the smoothies had long since worn off!)

I pretended to need something out of my purse because I knew I would say "yes!" and I did not even want to go there. Perry went ahead and got us a second loaf with the excuse that he would take it home with the other leftovers. He's a big "to go box" kind of guy...

Ultimately, we ended up eating half of it there - dipped in oil of course!

It's a good thing we had golf plans, I felt all greasy on the inside.

Walking 9 holes with a push cart is some pretty decent exercise.

Hideously unflattering pic of me - but I wanted to show off my new (used) driver that I recently purchased. So far, I'm hitting better with it than my old one that had a much smaller head.

Still not 100% right down the fairway - but then again - who is?

If you've been watching golf on T.V. at all, which I highly doubt :)...you will see that even the Pros mess up regularly.

This guy considers himself "two notches" under Pro.

I'm not quite sure about his self-assessment...actually he's really good. Ha ha.

I should just agree with anything he says when he's been the one to treat me to such a wonderful day out. The Queen approves!

I choose to stay positive.

2010-04-08T12:48:00.004-06:00

Hello! The scale today was up from 172 to 173.6. I'm not going to let this get me frustrated. I've been a little tired the last couple of days and have not been giving 100% effort to my exercise regimen. My monthly cycle can really affect my energy level so I must keep it all in perspective.
I took the day off from work yesterday and drove to Denver so that I could go to University Hospital for the final results on my uterine polyp removal procedure. All went well! No cancer or abnormalities found in the extracted tissue. I got to see "before" and "after" pictures which were fascinating to me. I have always been interested in skin, tissue, membranes and that kind of stuff.
The doctor asked me if I wanted to go forward with trying to conceive and I said..."yes".
I felt really nervous admitting this because I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm on the wrong side of 30!
However, I just happened to be there on the perfect day (menstrual cycle-wise) for them to do some blood tests as well as start some fertility meds. The next follow-up visit for an ultrasound just happens to land on my normal day off from work and therefore, is totally convenient. Maybe these are all signs to the good?
When I told my husband that I had decided to go forward with a little science to see if it could help me out, he seemed stunned and just got kind of quiet. Being a father has never been his top priority. I can understand this completely. For a long time, I did not think that kids were a good idea for me either. I mean, I have issues! But we all do.
I'm worried that I would not be a good mother even though I'm pretty sure I would be.
I'm worried that all this stuff may not work at all.
It would not be the end of the world to never have a baby. I still want to travel to so many places like Ireland and China. Money is kind of tight. How would I take care of another human and still work? How would this affect my marriage? Would I be able to handle the extra laundry? I can't stop questioning my decision. On the other hand, if I did not at least try some of the fertility stuff, I would regret it.
Sometimes, I see a picture of a baby and want to cry (and actually do sometimes) because I don't have one. On the other hand, I often see disheveled looking moms pushing their strollers through the mall with whining kids, and I cringe thinking about how burnt out the moms look.
So, there are some things here that I can control and others that I cannot. The one thing that I am sure of is: my health is still my number one priority. I remain focused on weight loss and eating healthy. I can control my attitude and I choose to stay positive no matter what.

Victories

2010-04-05T10:27:00.004-06:00

I had an excellent non-scale victory yesterday, I got out on my Blades of Glory for the first time this year. It felt amazing! I was rockin' Jane's Addiction on my ipod and not caring at all about how dorky I looked in my helmet.
This was a healthy positive choice that I made on Easter Sunday. I was very tempted to just lay around on the couch and watch movies but I resisted. I told myself that the couch will always be there, but this is the only Sunday April, 4th 2010 that will ever exist. Then it's gone forever. I also enjoyed a scale victory today! I am still committed to my Spring OUT of the 170's Challenge. I'm sooo close to breaking another ten pound barrier. I haven't been in the 160's since 2004 when I got married. I can't wait to get there! I know I can do it!

In other news, I am also trying to focus on helping Thor drop a pound or two. I can see that he struggles more and more to keep up with the rest of us on walks. When he goes from laying down to standing up, it takes a lot of effort. I cringe when I see how negatively he has been affected by the fact that we have given him too many treats and table scraps over the years.

He's so damn cute. It is hard to resist his little face when he begs but that is no excuse. He deserves to reap the same benefits of weight-loss that I have. Ease of movement, more energy, less heft. At our last vet check-up he was tipping the pet scale at 53 pounds. I hope to slowly get him down to 50 and then shoot for a few more pounds. We can go in anytime and use the scale at the vet's for free so stay tuned! In the meantime, he is still my #1 wall-holder-upper.

If you don't ask...

2010-04-02T19:45:00.006-06:00

Hello! I have been thankful all day for getting such supportive comments on yesterday's post. It felt good to vent bloggie style! Even though my "problems" were a little petty, no one suggested that they weren't a big deal, and gave me virtual hugs. That made my day.
Today was a blessed day off from work. I must say, I feel like I have taken advantage of every moment.
Here I am startin' off the day with a smile. My husband and I took a Walk in Loveliness with the dogs which is our usual routine. Of course, he may word it a little differently, ha ha... Then, I pulled a Single White Female move by taking inspiration from Tj at Tj's Test Kitchen and got a haircut! She had mentioned that she was going to get her hair done on one of her recent posts - and it hit me then that I would LOVE a haircut myself.
Coincidentally, I read a blog post today on Nutmeg Notebook about the effects of Spring, and more specifically Spring Fever. This may have also contributed to my sudden need for a little shaking up in the looks department. Thirdly, I've driven by this salon for years and have always wondered what it looks like inside! The business is called Shear Brilliance these days. The house itself is named The Baker House and was built in 1896. They have it decorated pretty cute in the interior, very earthy and calming.

I really enjoyed the experience of getting a few inches whacked off. I took some "before" and "after" photos of my hair but since it was just a trim, you can't really tell a difference so I feel silly posting them.
After that, I hit the grocery store and then went to my favorite golf store called Pro Discount Golf. I needed a new driver for this season, a bigger one! I found one that I liked - used - for $59.99. I asked the sales guy if he could do any better on the price and he offered to take another ten bucks off! That was awesome. I did not feel embarrassed at all about asking for an additional discount. If you don't ask, the answer is always "NO". So why not? Had to take my new driver for a spin at the driving range at Mountain Vista Golf Course. This is not the best picture but in truth, the course was built on farm land. It's just a giant field with sod on it! The wind was really whipping up a frenzy so I just hit a medium bucket o' balls and called it good. I'll need to bond with this driver a little more but so far, so good.

I also re-discovered this natural area here in Fort Collins since I was still feeling Spring Feverish! Isn't this a cool sign?

"They" have cleaned-up this natural area so nicely and added all kinds of new features and walking paths. Perfect for a .... you guessed it...Walk in Loveliness. Blade and Thor were EXTREMELY excited to explore a new place. You can't tell from this picture, but they were.

At first glance, this marshland might not seem "lovely" in the traditional sense but it was very captivating. There was a feeling of re-newel and regrowth. Anticipation. It was a long Winter, now Spring is here and Summer just around the corner.

To top off my day, Perry brought home a mess of pulled pork from this place that only does catering - but once a month they sell meat to customers directly. The sauce is to die for!

I wasn't really hungry but the meat smell was intoxicating and it was all still warm. I had a few bites of it and quickly offered to put it in Tupperware and tuck it in the fridge. I didn't want to keep going back for "just another taste" and then 1,000 calories later, be frustrated with myself. It would have been easy to do. Melts in your mouth! Isn't he porkalicious?

I'll end the day with my Pilates DVD. I may get on my treadmill too but have already done some considerable walking today so we'll see! I had such a fantastic day off and am so grateful to be alive.

Cloudy thoughts on a rainy day.

2010-04-01T14:38:00.006-06:00

TWO Sundays ago we attended a brunch at my sister-in-law's house - and something that she said has been bothering me ever since - so I guess I'll just purge it out!

The food was served buffet-style at the gathering and my SIL stood right there with an eagle-eye on everyone as they helped themselves. Just as I was about to take a "normal" size piece of quiche, she yells loud enough for the whole room to hear, "Oh Laura, we can get you a smaller size piece if you want one!"

I froze for a minute not knowing what to do. I felt so embarrassed! I was the fat chick again. I was exposed. I felt ugly. I felt like I didn't have the right to be eating anything at all.

In truth, I could have said, "Oh, that would be great!" and enjoyed my smaller piece and been grateful for her support regarding my new lifestyle changes.

But I just shrugged and replied that this was fine and went to sit down at the table. I felt like my face was on fire lit by a deep shame burning from within.

Was there some reason that she thought a 36 year old woman could not decide on her own what size piece of stupid-ass quiche to serve herself?

Why did she have to even say anything at all let alone loud enough for everyone to kind of turn and look?

Why did I take it so personal? Why does the blasted scenario keep replaying and replaying in my head?

The memories getting more dramatic and less reality-based with every passing minute.

I wish I could delete this memory like a "pop-up ad" on my computer. I keep going back to this event psychologically because of other unresolved issues that I have with my SIL, how she treats me and more rightfully so, they are issues with my own self and I how I treat my own body.

My in-laws are all pretty healthy people and I have always felt like the spotlight was on me for not being at a healthy weight. That's not to say that no one diets because everyone is very conscientious about how they look (and seemingly even more concerned about how other people look). They understand - to an extent - my weight struggles and I know they do their best to help me out. It's just that sometimes, it feels more like I am being subtly (and not so subtly) criticized and singled out. It feels like I am being told, "Since you are so overweight, you don't get to eat. You should not be eating. If you do eat, it should be just the fruit, some salad and a minuscule piece of whatever it is they we all get to enjoy guilt-free."

Family get-togethers suck so hard sometimes.

Another thing that has also been bothering me happened LAST Sunday. My husband and I drove to Denver to meet my dad and his girlfriend to celebrate his Birthday. My mom and other close family members were also in attendance. I'm lucky in that my parents, even though divorced, have a very good relationship. Bloody Marys were ordered at the restaurant and so we all loosened up quite a bit. Somehow the topic turned to me and my mom mentioned how I used to have such horrible buck teeth as a child.

I really did, my teeth required years and years of orthodontic work. However, it felt rude for my own mother to bring up a personal appearance flaw from my childhood. In front of everyone. Funny, I had just noticed how grayish-yellow her teeth were looking that very day. Did I say anything? No. Once again, I tried to play it off like it didn't matter, yet here I sit in the middle of my work day with these cloudy thoughts. I need to let it go. I did not need to come back with a snarky comment for my own breast-cancer-survivor-mother. Although I have thought of about 50 things that I COULD have said. I love those after-the-fact-comebacks that just seem to live rent free in my mind, taking up space that I should be using for more productive thoughts.

Well, I do feel somewhat better now. I know that I can't control what other people say and do.

I CAN control what I say and do, and even more important how I feel. I have said mean/inappropriate things to others as well at times in the spirit of "joking" or whatever.

I will continue to strive to Walk in Loveliness everyday. Even at family functions. May the force be with me.

Bum shot!

2010-03-31T14:16:00.005-06:00

Today is my usual weigh-in day for my personal Spring OUT of the 170's Challenge. I have to say, I'm pretty happy to be maintaining in the lower 170's for now - although I can't wait to see the scale move on to the next set of numbers in the 160's.

At this point, I feel like my success depends so much on my food choices and eating habits in general. I just have to reduce calories where I can - and there is definitely room to cut more. My exercise is consistent but can be stepped-up a notch too.

I think it's time to get the rollerblades back out!Here's a few shots of me from this morning. I still have bed head!

These are the jeans that I recently purchased for myself, size 12 Women's.

They have a tummy minimizing panel which was a selling point for sure, as well as the dark wash denim, which I specifically looked for during my shopping trip.

If you've ever seen any episodes of What Not To Wear, then you'll know that they are always recommending dark wash for jeans because of the slimming effect.

Here's a picture that was taken in December of 2009 when I was still in the mid 180's. I can tell that my face is losing some of its fullness which is one of the main areas where weight really shows up on me. Bum shot!

Who cares what color jeans they are, as long as they make your butt look good, right?
Poke! Poke!

I would like to see this area tighten-up and shrink some more. I'll have to get another bum shot when I reach 164 and then will compare the two - so keep following me.

That's the kind of excitement you have to look forward to, wow!!

That's Frabulous!

2010-03-30T14:43:00.005-06:00

Most days, I prefer to cook the quick-n-easy way.
I gravitate towards the semi-homemade meal philosophy because it fits well into my work week and also satisfies my desire to take a hands-on roll in my food preparation.
Around 11 a.m., I had a Second Breakfast at my computer (the small bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios just didn't quite hold me till lunch), which consisted of saltines topped with peanut butter (low-fat Skippy), one half banana and a sprinkle of cinnamon.
The sweet and salty combo hit the spot. I washed it all down with some decaf.

For lunch, I only have a half of an hour, so my meal HAS to be quick-n-easy to make OR prepared ahead of time!

Still working on the latter.

Pre-planning meals is definitely something that I would like to improve upon.

I enjoy having these packs of "frab" (fake crab) around for throwing together dishes with a little somthin' different. A half cup is only 80 calories but there is 45omg's of sodium... I sauteed some onion in olive oil, added the frab and some baby spinach.

I'm proud to say that spinach is one of the new staple items in the WIL household and we are lovin' it! It cooks down so nicely and can be added to countless dishes! Eating it fresh goes without saying.

Next, I want to try Swiss Chard which comes highly recommended by paulawannacracker.

Finally, I doused it all with a can of spaghetti sauce. The calories were easy enough to swallow -45 per half cup - but I choked when I read that there was 590 mg's of sodium.

Darn, someone is going to have swollen fingers tomorrow...It was still a delicious hot meal that took me less than 30 minutes to make.

Some wheat pasta would do for a nice side item - or spaghetti squash.

But, I just mowed through it as-is and used a tortilla to sop up the excess sauce.

Hopefully, the spinach molecules are winning the fight against the sodium molecules in my belly!I savored a piece of Dove Dark Chocolate before jumping back on the phones.

I love the dove!

Next on the agenda: after-work-dog-walk, Pilates DVD and avoiding the "grazing syndrome" that seems to want to overtake my will power in the evenings.

I can stay strong.

Family Fitness Challenge

2010-03-29T11:58:00.007-06:00

Thank you all so much for the supportive comments on my weight loss progress. The only issue with posting about things going well, is that now I have to keep this up! Crap.
We celebrated my dad's Birthday yesterday in Denver. Did I remember my camera? No.
And you know that I love to post me some pics on this blog. Damn.
I did get some nice compliments from my family about how I was looking and all that. We are always discussing weight and dieting in my family circle, so it felt good.
A week or so ago, I sent out an email to my mom, her husband, my dad, my dad's girlfriend and my sister, announcing a Family Fitness Challenge. I proposed that we all set fitness/health goals for ourselves and challenged everyone to see them through during the months of April and May. We would all put in $20.00 and whomever "reached their goal the most" would win the cash plus a skin care basket from me. I fully intent to own this! Goals don't have to be based on weight but that will be mine. My goal is to get to 165 by 5/31.
Let me not get too ahead of myself though. I still have my Spring OUT of the 170's Challenge to complete first!

Today

2010-03-27T11:35:00.004-06:00

My weight this morning is down down down to China Town! I'm am loving this feeling of having my jeans saggin' at the waist and butt. Just like a teenage boy, ha ha! Or is that out now? Anyway, I have really tried to be mindful of my snacking lately. I was so used to just throwing a piece of cheese in mouth or grabbing a cookie when I'd open the fridge, that it had become second nature. Eating to the point of uncomfortable fullness has also been something that I have been actively avoiding. I tell myself that if I'm still hungry later, I can always eat more. I will get enough!
I feel ready. I want to look in the mirror and LOVE how I look. Not just feel like I'm passable or like I'm now not going to stick out as the fattest chick in the room. Ya know what I mean?
I love reading your blogs and knowing that no matter what is going on in our lives, we are all on this journey for improved health together.
Today I will commit to Walk in Loveliness. Today I will not allow the past to weigh me down.

Onward!

2010-03-24T17:33:00.003-06:00

Hello! Did I look worried? All went well with my "procedure". I had to wait around in this stupid room for what seemed like forever and then the fun began... and uterine polyps were removed.
I have been recovering since 3/16 and today, I feel like I am ready to get back on track with my program!
I want more than ever to treat my health as top priority. This journey depends on me and me alone. I have wasted too many years feeling miserable on the outside and internally due to being at an unhealthy weight. Lucky for me, I get to wake-up every day and make a choice to Walk in Loveliness! This little Spring storm AND my choice were waiting for me this morning!
This was just an opportunity to remind myself that loving ME is possible. I am a good person and I deserve to treat my body with respect. I want to feel pretty, I want to be confident. Blade was in the groove too! He loves to roll around in the fresh white stuff.

Today, I weighed 177 so I can feel good about that. Onward!

Too strong to let things slip...

2010-03-15T17:31:00.005-06:00

On Sunday, Perry and I went to one of my favorite places called Watson Lake. I like to think of it as my 'power spot'. It was kind of cold and windy but we enjoyed the walk and so did the dogs.

As we were walking, I reflected a little upon the minor procedure that I will have tomorrow to get some uterine polyps removed. This is an outpatient procedure that is performed fairly routinely by specialists. I'm looking forward to it in some ways and hoping this will help, especially with menstrual pain.

I've also struggled with infertility for several years and this may assist me to get to the next step. We shall see. I know I'll be OK either way - but I sure would love to have at least a "shot" at motherhood:)

My weight is by far the biggest barrier - I feel. Ironically, it's the ONE thing I have control over.

Yet, I don't feel very in control of my weight at all these days. I've been struggling with staying motivated and with the 'mental game' in general. I know it will pass.

I'm too strong to let things slip back to the way things were in terms of too much couch time coupled up with too many calories. I love myself and will strive to honor what is best for my body.

Still, it's hard not to want to fall back on food to soothe myself as I think about walking into that hospital. Alone. I'll drive to University Hospital in Denver and then my dad will meet me later on to take me to his house. It's all worked out.

My husband decided the he should not take any more time off work right now. I understand that. I have other support systems besides just him. He's not my whole world after all, lol!

I plan to baby myself for the next couple of days. I can't allow that to mean indulging my every whim when it comes to food. I must find a way to Walk in Loveliness down one of life's bumpier (polypier) roads.
I can do this!

Best treatment possible

2010-03-12T11:02:00.002-07:00

Today is my day off, yay! Before I made some "lifestyle" changes, an entire day to myself would mean a lot of snacking in front of the t.v., doing a few chores around the house and a walk with the dogs. Maybe some wine as a treat in the evening.
Even though I have incorporated better habits into my daily life in the last year, I still feel like I have a lot of work to do regarding making a true commitment to losing weight.
-I still struggle with snacking at night.
-I don't push myself as hard as I can when it comes to exercise.
-I continue to eat to excess at times and become too full.
These are just a few examples of what I need to change in order to really feel like my actions reflect my inner goals.
I'm going to really make this day a full commitment to my health and well-being from start to finish.
I've loaded up my I-pod with some new music including: Bonnie Raitt, Steele Pulse, Live, Sade and Paul Simon is on deck. This should help get me going on the treadmill today!
I love myself and I deserve to give myself the best treatment possible.

Reinvention

2010-03-10T12:13:00.005-07:00

Time to get going again with my personal Spring Challenge! The original title was Spring into the 170's! However, after watching the movie The Secret (again), I gained some useful insight into the importance of thoughts in my daily life.
Thoughts. Create. Things. This was a powerful message to get regarding my health and fitness goals. I had to ask myself, "What am I attracting to my life with my thoughts about weight loss?"

Am I thinking things like, "This sucks! I'm so over it!" or "I enjoy eating healthy things and exercising every day. I love myself and want to feel and look my best!"?

Thusly and henceforth, I declare my Personal Spring Challenge as:

Spring OUT of the 170's!

My new "logo" will be this stealthy wolf. She is focused. She is strong. She knows what she wants and she's not afraid to go after it! Sure there are set-backs in her life but the wolf will prevail.

My "chubby chick" logo was sweet but still evocative of being cute and chubby. These are not the thoughts and feelings that I want to reinforce regarding my my weight. This reinvention has already paid off. My vacation pounds are melting away!

My Lowest Blog Weight was 176 so I'm not too far away. In other news, my workmates remain nonplussed by me new found enthusiasm.

Blade continues to dedicate his time to keeping the bottom cabinet drawer shut with his back paws. Thor still maintains that the majority of his workday should be focused on propping up that wall!

Keep up the good work, Boys!Positive thoughts today! We WIL do this!

Speaking of food

2010-03-08T10:00:00.002-07:00

I had a fun Sunday night watching The Oscars, I'm so glad that I let the DVR get about a half hour into recording it so that I could fast forward through all those pesky commercials.
T.V. commercials are so banal and also make me want to eat if there are shots of yummy food.
Speaking of food, I've been liking these Dannon Light and Fit yogurt shakes lately.
They are only 70 calories and this flavor (strawberry banana) is pretty sweet so can kind of substitute for dessert or a quick snack. This a.m., I bulked it up using organic low-fat milk, a whole banana, some fresh strawberries and a handful of spinach (and a few spooges of honey!).

Very refreshing! I had this at about 8:45 - it's 10:20 now and I'm hungry -will be taking a break from the phones soon to see what else is in the fridge for second breakfast - just like the Hobbits!

Last night I combined three frozen chicken breasts, a can of pinto beans, a can of "fire roasted" tomatoes, a few TBSP of salsa, a bag of frozen corn, and some fresh spinach in the slow cooker. Did not love it. Was just OK. It might have been the smoke flavor from the tomatoes that threw off my palate.

Perry enjoyed it so that was positive. Not sure what to do with all these leftovers now!

Don't you hate it when you make a lot of something that doesn't taste great?

Anyway, it can be frozen so no worries.

I cooked it over night so the meat would be extra tender, it sure smelled good...
My weight today is 178. That is just two pounds up from my pre-vacation weight.

I know I can get back to 176 then 175!

I will be conscious of my eating today - that is my biggest hurdle.

Tonight, the treadmill and Pilates DVD await!

Focus on Abundance

2010-03-06T08:29:00.009-07:00

So I kept telling myself that I would write a blog post when I was doing better (actually losing weight), then I realized: I feel and do better with weight loss when I blog!
Don't know why I've been sitting around for days composing posts in my mind and then holding myself back from actually typing it out.
Just haven't been feeling 100% on track. Funny. Time to get back in the saddle today!!
Part of my deal is that I got a bit off my game when we went on vacation.
Even though it was a short trip, I felt very sluggish and emotionally drained upon our return.
To add to that, I should be cycling around the 9th and am always hungrier the week before I menstruate. Most times, it's not even hunger per say, it's just like this overwhelming need to eat anything in sight.
Lastly, I had a slight reprimand at work. Nothing major - just a reminder that even when people are rude to me on the phone - I still need to end the call in a professional manner. Oops.
Being a sensitive Virgo, I chastised myself for not performing as well as I know I can - and other nasty thoughts. Merit increases are coming up - finally - and I desperately need to put my best foot forward at work and stop fucking around!
I tried "snacking" away these feelings but that did not work.
Yesterday was a turning point though. I soothed myself with a wonderful bubble bath and then applied some nice product to my skin. Much better! I had a girlfriend stop by after that for a short walk, a nice chat and some giggles. Then I watched the movie The Secret which is such a great reminder about the power of positive thoughts and feelings. I truly believe in this philosophy and am so glad that I just bought this DVD when it first came out.
I have watched it again and again!
I "forced" my husband to watch the segment on MONEY. It was a good message to us both. Focus on the prosperity and abundance that surrounds us, not so much on the debt we've accumulated. It's so easy to get sucked into believing that "there's just not enough money" when in reality, we've never lacked for anything in the overall scheme of things.

Moving on! I took this picture while I was laying in bed. Over the winter, my wonderful cat decided that his favorite place to sleep at night was between my legs. Ha. ha. So many possibilities here for dirty talk!

At first, I was a little annoyed because when he curls up there, I feel like I need to stay perfectly still so as not to disturb his slumber. Now, I miss him when he does not seek me out and have even put a cuddle blanket over my legs for his comfort!

I have been dying to make this Cream of Mushroom Soup recipe that I read about on TJ's Test Kitchen's blog. She makes the best stuff! I love any kind of soup and this sounded delish!

(I just copied and pasted this recipe from her post.)

Ingredients:

2 tsp butter, 1 onion, chopped, 2 celery stalks, chopped, 1 carrot, chopped, 1 lb portobello mushroom caps, sliced1 lb white mushrooms sliced, 1 48 ounce can low sodium chicken broth, 3/4 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp black pepper, 1 cup fat free half & half, 2 tsp fresh sage, chopped, 2 tsp fresh thyme, chopped.

Directions:

Melt Butter in non stick dutch oven over med-high heat. Add onion, celery, carrots; cook, stirring occasionally, until onion softens-about 5 minutes. Add mushrooms and cook stirring until soft-about 10 minutes. Stir in broth, salt, and pepper; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer until vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes. Remove Dutch oven from heat and uncover- let cool for 30 minutes. Puree soup in batches in blender or food processor. Return soup to pot, stir in half & half, sage and thyme- heat about 10 minutes. Per serving (1 1/3 cup) CAL 118/FAT 4/FIBER 3= 2 WW pointsI used more carrots and celery then what was called for in the ingredients list - so the mushroom flavor was a little less pronounced. You can probably play around with this recipe in so many ways! I used dried thyme and did not have any sage so threw in same crushed bay leaf and rosemary (both dried). I did rinse the mushrooms. I hear on all the food shows that you should just wipe them with a damp paper towel, but I'm still a proponent of giving them a full-on wash.

They are going to get wet anyway!

I could have eaten the soup just like this - with big chunks of veggies and a savory broth - maybe next time! I need an immersion blender! Maybe that will take the place of my next "reward" for getting to a certain weight.
Yum! I blended it to a not-quite-smooth-consistency - 'cause that's how I likes it!
Once I stirred in the half and half, I needed a napkin to wipe the drool from my chin!

I garnished with some shredded parm. - love this so much better than the "grated" powdery version of the cheese. Also added some hot sauce to my servings to kick it up a notch.
I enjoyed the final result with a piece of high fiber toast and a spinach salad with light Bleu Cheese dressing. I kept going back to fill my bowl with just a little bit more soup, then ended-up being too full. Felt guilty for feeding the emotional "hole" instead of just my body.

All that's in the past now.

Today is my day!!

I WIL make it great.

Downplay the food

2010-03-02T14:22:00.005-07:00

Here she is, my inspiration for Walk in Loveliness, my grandma, Lisa Ferris Rubin Johnson.
She is an Author and self-proclaimed Beauty/Charm Expert.
We all had a wonderful visit together in Palm Springs, CA. She noticed right away that I've lost some weight and is so proud that I am taking better care of myself these days.
This is just what she's been preaching for years after all!
It was such a special opportunity for me to spend time with Grandma Lisa and "Paul" - her husband of almost 20 years a.k.a. Dr. L.P. Johnson (she's been married twice before).
On a somewhat ironic note, considering this is a weight-loss blog, Dr. Johnson has not "eaten" in four years. That's right.
Due to some medical complications, he has to get the nutrition he needs to live by taking special shakes via an external tube that leads directly to his stomach. As you can imagine, his condition really puts "food" in perspective for me and reminds us all just how much this can be synonymous with social activities.
Going out to eat and even fixing big meals together at home can be very awkward since he just has to sit there or leave the room.
This situation makes my grandma all stressed out and emotional - so we really downplay the food and drinks as best we can. One of the highlights of our visit was a performance that we attended at the McCallum Theater featuring Frank Sinatra, Jr. and a big orchestra.
The show consisted of hit songs in Frank Sinatra's repertoire, starting from the 1930's and going all the way to the '70's. Perry and I enjoyed it more than we thought we would!He and I stayed at the Agua Caliente Casino and Resort, it was so fun! Just the the desert oasis that we were needing after months of snow and cold here in Colorado. The work-out facility was top notch! So much so that even on the treadmill, I STILL felt like I was on vacation. Golf is nearly mandatory in Palm Springs - so that also helped to burn a few calories. On the flip side, I did eat pizza, onion rings, a hot dog, a buffet meal with several full plates and two desserts, a club sandwich, 'normal' 7-Up...Wine = often, mixed drinks = several and beer = once. I know the scale will not be kind!
I'm sticking my head in a sand trap for now but am really looking forward to getting back on track at the same time.
It's good to be home!

So Close!

2010-02-24T08:30:00.003-07:00

My weight this morning. I'm so close to 175, I want it bad!
Thanks for all your wonderful comments, they only make me more motivated.
Tomorrow we leave for a trip to Palm Springs, CA (Rancho Mirage) to see my grandma and her husband.
My goal is to maintain this number while out of my "ordinary" environment.
I'm sure that there will be plenty of chances for exercise, so I just need to stay mindful of my caloric intake.
Sounds easy enough, lol!

No Excuses

2010-02-23T11:02:00.005-07:00

Monday was a pretty good food and exercise day.
I'm back to 177.8 on the scale (crept up to 179 by end of weekend).
I started out this Tuesday by reminding myself of my WIL motto, especially the part about "making the best of what has been given".
I am so grateful for this day and intend to really focus on doing the things that make me feel healthy.
These fresh raspberries helped me start the day off right along with yogurt, cereal, almonds, cinnamon and a few spooges of honey. Confession time! I bought some jeans on Sunday.
I was using new jeans as a reward for getting to a new low weight of 175.
For some reason, I've been struggling to get to this number on the scale.
Do you think it might have had to do with making brownies, eating fried veggies and drinking beer? I just looked through my last couple of posts and pictures do say 1000 words! This was the tag on my size 12's (Women's Section) from Target.
I guess this is the big marketing ploy these days - the whole "slimming" style thing.
Similar tags are on clothes at all kinds of stores. I must say, it sucks me in! ha ha...
When it comes to shopping, I don't mess around.
The jeans were exactly $25.
I've been saving a $25 Target gift card since Xmas for this specific buy, so I just had to dig out another $1.66 and bam! they were mine!
175, I'm coming for you, I have to make it happen now, no excuses.

Work it!

2010-02-22T10:18:00.009-07:00

Back up your booties to Saturday night!
It was a snowy one here in Fort Collins, as well as "Ladies' Night" at a local watering hole called Washington's - a.k.a. The Wash Bar.
Despite the "requirements", they let me in anyway!
Perry and I had a coupon for "buy one entree, get one free" so we decided to use it since we were downtown anyway.
I'm standing in front of an antique canon (replica) that they have out front but that is just a precursor to what's found inside. The whole place is stuffed with old-fashion junk! That's the theme I guess.
It's supposed to be fun and some of the pieces are good conversation starters if you are trying to - well - do what we pretty much all did in college. This place is no four-star restaurant my friend, more of a meat (meet?) market for the college students here at CSU. I'm not judging!
Guess where I met my husband? Right here baby! I was just 21 at the time. Now I'm 36 and a few pounds heavier... It's pretty dark inside the bar (these pics aren't great) but this is a life-size horse carriage that was suspended above our booth. There's a tuba next to it and a vintage shoe along with some other stuff.
Not exactly an appetizing environment since it seemed there was a layer of dust over everything. Funny what one notices when one is not a drunk college student.

Perry still had a mullet and it was 1995, but I knew I liked him right away, and truly felt like this was a person I wanted to spend more time with. We reminisced about when we first met over our cheap drinks, it was fun.

Mullet's gone, however, this is very much the same facial expression he had that hot August night back in '95.

It may have had something to do with the fact that I wore a tiny, tight, white t-shirt with a butterfly cut-out on my cleavage! Whatever works, right? (Work it!) I'm much classier these days, ha ha. Pinkie out!

We went with appetizers instead of actual entrees for our coupon dining experience.

The quesadilla was the only non-deep-fried choice on the apps. menu. So, our "free" meal was fried shrooms and zucchini. There was a faint alarm sounding in the back of my mind when I was eating these. Something about "beware of free food. It always comes with a price." I chose to ignore it this time around. And I paid. Scale is up today. Boo!I did attempt to redeem myself on Sunday by getting in a little cross-country skiing on Richard's Lake.

P-dogg and I have been inspired by some of the events of the 2010 Winter Olympics and decided to rent some Nordic ski equipment. We wanted to see if we might want to take it up as a fun way to get exercise.

I knew these gators would come in handy someday! They are circa 1988 when neon outer wear was big. Thumbs up on being a hoarder!

Work it! Cross-country skiing was a lot harder than it looks. We were both drenched in sweat.

There's only one thing to do after falling on your ass at least three times in the snow, get warm!
This soak felt so good, I didn't want to get out. (Another double-chin pic, I'm so over it!)
I'm not trying to brag, I'm actually doing it.

I kicked P-dogg's ass in X-Country skiing. He even said so.

It's not too often that this happens (never when it comes to sports).

We can be competitive at times -more like siblings than spouses - but that's OK :)

My treadmill workouts really helped me maintain stamina during our trek, and the Pilate's DVD I do at home added to my ability to stay balanced on those skinny skis.

Ladies' Night 4-Ever! Woo hoo!

The lesson here:

2010-02-20T10:58:00.005-07:00

Welcome new followers! I'm so excited to have a few more fellow floggers given all the awesome blogs out there.
Speaking of awesome, Thursday night my husband brought home an "Al's Burrito" for me.
The back story is: this lovely gentleman (Al) and his wife, make burritos out of their home, then drive around to different business and sell them out of a cooler to employees.
Best. Burritos. Ever! So good that sometimes they are all sold out before Al even makes it to Perry's work.
To avoid this, sometimes we put in special orders of a half dozen at a time and keep them in the freezer. This baby is the SBC - spicy-beef-n-cheese.
I'm guessing the calorie count for a whole one is around 500? So worth it though, did I mention the tortillas are homemade?

I had a half of it as soon as I got it in my hot little hands - along with one of my favorite brands of salsa.

See the chunks of jalapenos? The "S" in the SBC is no joke! Picante!Had to cool down the palette with a little leche after my snack, that always does the trick.

I had the other half of SBC for breakfast the next day!

Last night I broke into these...I totally shop with my eyes at the grocery store. That is slowly changing but I realized it in retrospect when I looked at this box in my pantry.

It's cute and pink. There's a little piggy on it! Not to mention the title and other compelling wording.

I remember thinking at the store, "I can mix it with yogurt?! Sold."

Cut to me - obsessing about it every single day since I purchased it.

Perhaps mixes like this really aren't that great to just keep around despite the cuteness...

It got the best of me on Friday night. It's Friday, let's party-right? I had one last carton of yogurt hanging out in the fridge. The strawberry flavor actually gave the final product kind of a funny taste, so if you make these, use plain vanilla.
My other problem was that the mix was still kind of dry after the yogurt was added - so I put in about a tablespoon of olive oil (the only thing in the house that's "extra virgin").
Oh ya, and some of these from the freezer.

Full disclosure here, I have to be honest with myself. Perry and I did some damage to it while watching The Haunted on TIVO.

Each episode profiles a particular paranormal situation and focuses a lot on how animals can be extra sensitive to this type of phenomenon. It is freaky.

Almost too much for us. We get very emotional about the animals.

We got in bed last night and were too scared to do anything but huddle under the covers and finally drift off to sleep. The party fizzled out in a big way.

(Maybe tonight we'll go out for drinks after P-dogg gets off work. That always helps get things started!)

I woke-up this morning with a little sugar hangover. For some reason that didn't stop me from having a few more bites of what is left of the no-pudge-fudge with my coffee.

The lesson here: less fudge, more fornication.

'Nough said!

Cute Boots!

2010-02-17T09:14:00.010-07:00

My official weekly weigh-in day has arrived yet again for my personal Spring into the 170's Challenge. Although this chubby chick is as cute as ever, the same just doesn't go for this girl.
It is time to shed some of these excess pounds and more importantly, I want to feel like I'm at the top of my game! I'm ready for a change. I'm pretty happy with today's number but I know I can do better!
I want to see 175, that means new jeans as a reward.

Recently, I realized that I could fit back into some old faves'. I've had these Old Navy jeans for many years now. They are size 12 - oh how I love vanity sizing!

I threw 'em on this morning just for fun. My Project Runway look is called "Just rolled out of bed".

(Don't know what's up with my facial expression in the first pic, just ignore it, I did.) Double chin - be gone!

My butt is looking better!

However, don't you think it's time for some new jeans?

I know I can do it.

Last night I got a huge package in the mail from mi madre!

It was a belated Valentine's Day gift. So thoughtful. Thanks mom! I love what she wrote:
(Fantastic penmanship displayed here as she was a teacher for 35 years. I'm proud of her!)

Cute boots! Does she know me or what? They fit great.
I believe she got them at the chain store called Shoe Carnival. They have such fun and affordable footwear. These will be perfect for Spring in Colorado.

They would look even better with NEW jeans tucked into them so that will serve as my motivation for the week.

"Reel" Awkward

2010-02-15T11:24:00.010-07:00

Well, I'd like to expound on all the romantic little gestures that make Valentine's Day such a warm and fuzzy holiday - but the truth is, it got real awkward here at the WIL household!
The Highlight Reel goes like this:
The opening scene...
Me advising Perry not to worry too much about Valentine's Day.
He took it to mean that he had a "hall pass" for the entire day and could invite his buddies over for a jam session.
What I meant was, don't worry about gifts and cards and all that, let's just have a fun Sunday doing whatever we feel like.
When I found out his friends were coming over, I was really hurt.
In the end, I tried to recover my pride and he tried to see things from my perspective as best he could.
The jam session was cancelled.
He came home from work on Saturday with these lovely roses.
We went out for drinks and apps. later on that night and had a good time.

Highlight Reel Part II:

Cut to me right after getting the roses...

I whipped out my Valentine gift that I had ordered on Amazon.com. - weeks ago.

They were "couples" pendants.

The pink one is representational of the Phoenix and the black one is the Dragon.

(Supposedly Chinese symbols for the female/male energy.)

I could tell that Perry did not like his Dragon necklace, there was just no mistaking his expression.

He admitted that it was too feminine and that he doesn't really like wearing things around his neck.

Fine.

Mine is awesome and I enjoyed wearing it out for drinks that night!

I'll probably wear the "male" pendant as well.

He was right, it was way too metro-sexual for the P-dogg!

(Although the pendant looked really good when I forced him to wear it for two seconds, I swear!)

Then.. Moving on to Sunday, we took a trip to Watson lake with the dogs.

This is one of my all-time favorite places to hike around and one that I consider a spiritual

"power spot".

We had an exhilarating walk since it was one of those very bright, clear, cold days.
After our walk, we had breakfast at a local landmark called Vern's Place in La Porte, CO.

It's a friendly blue collar-style joint that is well loved for the atmosphere and the food.

Nice Wall of Death! Are we having fun yet?

How to wrap this up?

I know, let's stuff our feelings with food!

The end.

Mid-Lick

2010-02-11T10:25:00.007-07:00

I just love this pic that my husband took of Thor and I, he's mid-lick, so cute and so him!
Didn't anyone else get the memo about orange and green being the color combo for the season?? At least I won't be mistaken for a deer and shot. Ha. Sometimes we feel lazy and just wander around on the path behind our house instead of a
full-on walk. Not such a bad start to the day! Cheers.

The symbolic gesture a.k.a. the discarded popcorn seems to have attracted some attention since yesterday! I was hoping to see some footprints of geese but they stay more in the middle of the lake (not going out that far!) - so I'm thinking these are prints of dog, maybe raccoon, skunk, fox? Guess they weren't that hip on high calorie snacks either.

Not sure what Thor and Blade were interested in but it must have been something good!
My interest when we got home-food!

I'm back down to 179.6 this morning, so I decided to eat a light yet satisfying bowl of Cheerios, half a banana, cinnamon and organic low-fat milk.

It's now 11am and I'm feeling not-hungry.

I'm hoping to make it to my lunch break at 1:30 without snacking.

That's one tough thing about working from home - the fridge is just downstairs! No worries! I have my two trusty helpers to watch my back.

This is the view from my desk.

Don't laugh, someone has to hold up that wall!

This was the 'thought of the day' that one of my co-workers sends out, I loved today's message!
“The last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

-Viktor Frankl (1905–1997) Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist

I'm really going to take charge of my attitude today!

I will eat light, healthy meals, I will exercise and I will choose to Walk in Loveliness!

Symbolic Gesture

2010-02-10T10:46:00.010-07:00

Today's weekly weigh-in for my Spring into the 170's Challenge, sadly had me back up to 180. Damn. I was doing so great - and had cemented myself into the 170's - so what happened?
Well, we went out to lunch at Chili's on Sunday, then I ate more later during the Superbowl game that I really didn't need. I did not drink any alcohol though so yay me!
No real exercise on Sunday or Monday night and then I did a light Pilate's routine last night.
I let my exercise slip and I've also been munching on salty snacks left over from our football gathering. To top it all off, Aunt Flo is in town! I have all the skin break-outs to prove it...
What's a girl gotta do to get back on track? A symbolic gesture! (Throw something away!) Check out my hot Bag Man.
Unfortunately, I bought Pop Secret "Homestyle" microwave popcorn, and it's like over 500 calories per bag. Good Lord!
I bought a box several weeks ago and can remember 2 occasions where I've eaten the whole bag on my own. The second time, I knew the calorie content and still consumed the entire thing with added margarine and salt.
Why did I do that to myself?
I should have read the nutrition label before purchasing. Popcorn is like crack to me.
Was I in some kind of a grocery-store-induced-coma-like-trance? Symbolic gesture #2 - the Tostito's white corn tortilla chips gotta go too. I have been eating these chips every day since Sunday! Oh how easy it is to find excuses to dive into the bag.

Looks like there is plenty of traffic out on the frozen lake so I hope a few creatures will find these little treats. The frozen lake (again). I know I've shown pics of it before -but it's so cool.

We try to take the dogs (and ourselves) on a nice walk every morning so this is one of our top three destinations. It was really cold this morning so we didn't stay too long!

These ice crystals were like tiny little diamonds - amazing in the bright light of the sun.

I enjoyed how the snow sparkled and that there was so much peace and quiet that surrounded me.

Everything seemed untouched and pristine for just a moment... I took the time to meditate on my goals and life.

I realized that if I stay focused on my health and strive to improve a little every day, then it doesn't always matter what the scale says!

Still...can't wait to be back down to the 170's again.

Unique Talents

2010-02-04T14:55:00.006-07:00

This morning I was really inspired by this quote that someone at work had emailed out. I thought about how true this is in terms of making healthy changes in one's life and the journey that ensues.

“Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.”
Vincent van Gogh (1853–1890) Dutch painter

Later, I was pleasantly surprised to see this great giveaway on Paulawannacracker's blog for some lovely note cards created by a very talented artist. The artist has an etsy shop with lots of beautiful offerings.

I hope that we can all stay motivated to live to the fullest and express our unique talents, just like these people have done!

Suh-weet!

2010-02-03T10:55:00.009-07:00

My personal Spring into the 170's Challenge is in full effect. I had such fun with the HOT 100 Challenge (making the best of the last 100 days of 2009) - and it really did give me a great perspective during the holidays - so why not continue on with the challenge mentality?

Now I'm into my fourth week of focusing on "thinking Spring" and breaking the 180 barrier! It seemed like 180 was a comfy plateau point for my weight as an adult. Just another chubby chick shopping the size 14 jeans and the XXL shirts, eating basically what she wants and getting light to moderate exercise. To spring into the 170's, I really had to cut down on portions and extra snacking. I bumped up the exercise a little too. Trying to embrace the hunger at night and being OK with going to bed on an empty stomach has been a key factor. I'm still working on it.

My life coach insists that intuitive eating is the way to go. She explains that once I learn to 1) eat when I'm hungry 2) eat what my body is craving and 3) stop when I am satisfied

(not full) then and only then, will I finally be able to put this food battle behind me.

I am still skeptical of having these issues gone for good. I guess that she probably means the diet mentality can be gone for good more than anything else.

Here's what I know today: I'm 36 years old and have a lot to be grateful for. I love my life but feel that I hold myself back by using weight as an excuse and a barrier against any number of life's painful situations and disappointments. I just don't want to do it anymore. I am smart and capable of using other tools besides food to cope. I want to have a cute butt in jeans!

Starting a blog has opened up a whole new world for me. I mean, I suspected that others felt and acted like I did at times about food, body image and weight, but soon came to realize just how many people felt exactly like me. In addition to that, bloggers were still making positive changes in order to feel, act and look different.

I like this pic of the "chubby chick" emerging from the Spring daffodils.

This is my official Spring into the 170's logo. Ya gotta have the logo if yer gonna do a Challenge!

Suh-weet! My lowest blog weight yet. Two more pounds and I buy myself new jeans.

Dark- wash denim, here I come!Recently, we took another trip out to the frozen lake that is by our house. Can I get an amen for walks?! Love 'em.

Someone left us a secret message carved in slush then frozen back to cement-like ice.

Blade left a message too! "Sorry" to the owner of this upturned canoe but it was just calling out for an arch of dog-pride . I few passes in the lake once it's melted and she'll be right as rain!
It was a good day all around!

Still there after all this time.

2010-01-30T17:32:00.004-07:00

Is anyone familiar with the LA Weight Loss Diet? I don't see how they can tout themselves as an "affordable weight-loss plan" when you get talked into so many new member fees and gimmicky food items before you can even say ripoff!
I had joined this particular plan a few years ago because I was feeling desperate. I have felt that way many times before about my weight and my appearance. I remember that the commercials for this diet seemed so upbeat and convincing.
The"before" and "after" testimonials just hooked me in.
I have always wanted to be one of the "after" girls in one of these ads. With this in mind, I found myself pulling into the strip mall anchored by Wal-Mart on the far end of town - looking for way to make that happen!
It was ultimately a very costly decision. Most of the ladies at the center were nice but it is their job to sell you on bars, shakes, soups, juice, supplements not to mention cookbooks, motivational journals and the like. They also add these foods to the weekly menu that is supposed to be followed so you feel like you need these items in order to follow the plan.
I wanted to lose weight so badly and knew that I could use some support so I dove it.
I can't fault myself for reaching out and saying, "Hey - I need some help here." However, I regret that I put more stock in this program than I did myself. To be honest, I never really followed the eating plan which was pretty sensible. Instead I would cheat, berate myself, cheat again, berate...you get the idea.
I have kept these four boxes of their packaged food around for several years now. They just take up room in my pantry.
I feel guilty every time that I realize they are still there after all this time, just like the credit card charges that they incurred!
Today I threw them all out as a symbolic gesture. I don't need gimmicks, I need to learn to listen to myself and trust that I am capable of improving my health and well-being on a higher level. Goodbye hot chocolate, chocolate shake-mix, chicken soup and cream of mushroom soup! You all tasted like a mixture of chalk and artificial flavoring. You won't be missed.
I can't lie, I questioned myself for a minute right before going out to the garage to complete my mission. It seemed like such a waste. Alas, the expiration date on the boxes has come and gone and so now I can safely say that I'm ready to move on!
The past is behind me, I accept my mistakes and embrace the fact that I need to have experiences like this in order to learn. Hopefully the guilt will dissolve a lot easier than the hot chocolate mix did. As a matter of fact, I think it already has.

G-Unit

2010-01-26T18:08:00.007-07:00

I just want to say how much your supportive comments meant to me regarding my last post.

I finally told my landlord that I wouldn't be renewing my booth rental. I wanted to tell her in person on Saturday but ended up totally wussing out and just called her yesterday on the phone instead.

Funny what you can say on the phone as opposed to being face to face. She was very understanding.

My landlord then called me back yesterday and left a message saying that she had a "question" for me. I thought, Oh she must want to renegotiate, offer me a better rate, and to beg me to stay!

It turns out that it was just an attempt to remind me to make sure that I cleared out all of my bottled waters and diet soda from the fridge in the office.

(They need room for their lunches ya know.)

Oh. OK. I'll make sure to do that. Yeah, she was pretty broken up about the whole thing but apparently the actual drama is more on my side.

I felt a little deflated about the whole situation but honestly, it is like a weight has been lifted and I have accepted that there have been many lingering positives to starting up the Esthetics business.

For example, I have some wonderful skincare samples to try since I contacted a couple of companies that I was interested in working with.

Sanitas sent me a lovely sampling AND the Account Rep. turned out to be a friend that I had previously lost touch with. It was great to reconnect with her! Unfortunately, they have a $1,500.00 "buy-in" to get an account started. NOT happening.

Image is another fantastic skin-care company and I decided to go with them. They are not out of Colorado like Sanitas but California is just as good. There was no minimum purchase for products and they only sell to doctors and licensed Estheticians (that's me!).

They sent like four kits to try, I'm excited. I can now purchase the products anytime at wholesale and will offer to do the same for friends, family and any clients that I still have.

Just because I decided to pull out of the lease does not mean that I'm just giving up completely.

WIL is still very much alive my friends!

On the weight-loss front, I am ready to get TOTALLY RECOMMITTED to the health-n-fitness goals. I didn't really stay focused this last week so am not looking forward to my WI tomorrow for my Spring Challenge.

THIS picture taken on Friday night was a serious reminder of just how much I need to get back on track. Hello huge pink gut-roll!! I only wear this shirt for workouts (and only at home) because it is so tight that it's like an extra sports bra which is helpful in supporting the girls. It says, "G-Unit" on the front which I guess stands for Gangsta Unit! That's me.

Yes, the the red wine was enjoyed in err, um...moderation.

Worst. Picture. Ever. Ha ha. I wasn't ready when my husband took it!
On a funny note, our grey cat has decided that the ice dispenser on the front of the fridge is his mortal enemy. It makes grinding noises when the ice comes out and he'll come running from anywhere in the house to investigate this strange phenomenon.
Any day now, he will catch the elusive ice-mouse!
The black cat is absolutely smitten by the Bengal center fold in this month's Cat Fancy. Good thing she's been fixed! Meeooow!

Hot for a chance.

2010-01-23T08:39:00.005-07:00

Thank you all so much for the supportive comments about my new business endeavor. After all that, I must be honest. I am thinking of ...no...have decided that I am not going to continue the booth rental for Walk in Loveliness Personal Enhancement Center.
My reasons are varied but boil down to the fact that it feels more like a monkey on my back than a fun outlet.

The $300.00 per month booth rental fee is pretty spendy when I am only making $15.78 an hour at the normal job (I know it's tacky to talk about personal income but it's my blog). I'm really just wrestling around with all these thoughts and feelings so I need to get them out.

I can only commit to being at the studio Fridays and Saturday afternoons. Of course I could try and schedule "late night services"...after my 8.5 hour work day...not bloody likely! Also, BIG SURPRISE HERE - I need my days off to recuperate. I don't have the stamina to dive into MORE WORK.

Couple that with the fact that I just feel worn out right now. It happens. I had a session with Lynne (my life coach) yesterday and we talked about how I tend to "Soldier On" and ignore things like dwindling energy, pain, etc. Then it is too late. I wind up paying for this lack of discretion whether it be via physical or mental "break downs".

I've been trying to stay so pumped for this opportunity but the truth is that it may be a little bit more taxing then I had originally planned.

I DID want to offer my services as an Aesthetician at the Merle Norman Studio but I was thinking about just an occasional facial or brow wax. The owner saw my interest as an opportunity to get some assistance with her high monthly rent. We were not on the same page. Instead of talking to her more about what I had in mind, I agreed to do the booth rental because I was so hot for a chance to get started. I ignored some of my intuition that told me maybe now wasn't the best time.

I did some emotional eating over this situation yesterday. Not a full on binge but just snacking to fill the void. Popcorn, chocolate chips, almonds, cheese...

On a positive note here, I did buy some red wine (one of my all time weaknesses) but did not open it. It is still sitting in the wine rack.

I hate that I over-committed myself. I hate that I am going to have to go in today and tell Ellen that I will not be renting for February. I hate that I have these stupid uterine polyps that will cause me to get surgery in March. I hate that I had a stroke last November and even though I feel like I should be completely recovered, and ready to take on the world, I am not.

I hate the fact that my family (especially my dad and grandma) is SO proud of me for getting this going and now I will have to admit to them that the timing just wasn't right. I hate the fact that I feel like a failure even though I am not. I hate that I feel stuck doing a job that I don't have passion for, simply because it pays the bills and is convenient. Mostly, I hate the fact that I will have to move all of my shit out of the studio when I was just getting settled.

However, I can't have this stress and worry over how much it is costing me per month vs. how little I am making doing the occasional facial and brow wax. I won't miss feeling like I have no free time. When I HAD more free time, all I did was sit around and wish I could practice Aesthetics. So, fuck it. There are no easy answers here.

One thing I AM certain about is that my health needs to be priority. I feel so much better with some of this weight off my physical body. I KNOW that I need to keep going with my goals to implement sustainable life-style changes in the areas of eating and exercise.

I will stay positive (most of the time). Life can be such a journey of ups and downs and this is just one of the many bumps that will come my way.

I KNOW that I am committed to my Walk in Loveliness motto and that by challenging myself in different ways, I become a stronger person and better equipped to handle the ups and downs without abusing food or alcohol to get by.

Keep the momentum flowing.

2010-01-21T10:18:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was my weekly weigh-in for my personal Spring into the 170's Challenge. I pretty much stayed the same this week but at least I have officially broken the ten pound barrier. This feels good!
I'm ready for more progress. I want to feel the lightness that weight-loss provides in both a literal and figurative sense such as:
-Feeling confident in my appearance in a way that allows me to take my mind off of that kind of concern - so that I can truly be present and of service to my Aesthetics clients.
-Focusing on my health is actually an unselfish act. By not having the extra weight as a barrier between myself and others, I have the freedom to relate to them in a whole different way. I am committed to making MORE changes in how/what I eat and intensity/frequency of exercise. I am happy to have maintained at this level for a week and am now ready to keep the momentum flowing.
I am also making strides career-wise and I whole-heartily believe that it is directly related to my mission to make my well-being a priority.
Here is my set-up! These flameless candles from Wal-Mart work perfectly for subtle ambiance and will eliminate some safety concerns as well! Having the confidence to start my own business has changed my world! I am still on this journey in terms of making it successful. I understand that it will always be just that, a journey, a Walk in Loveliness (you know I had to get that in there!). No matter what happens, I am grateful for this opportunity. It has been a challenge to work full time and then try to devote hours to getting clients.

If you build it they will come, right? I suppose that philosophy works in some ways but it also takes pounding the pavement to get the word out about my business. This is something I have not done so much - but I have some ideas!

I feel that I am on the right path. I WANT to challenge myself in the areas of both personal enhancement and professional growth so this is what it looks like. Onward and upward!

Finally, after years of practice!

2010-01-18T13:27:00.005-07:00

Thank you Paula from Paulawannacracker for my Beautiful Blogger Award! I was an Award Virgin before this so it feels absolutely exhilarating to be on the other side. In celebration of "losing" it, I will extend this award to any other Virgins out there.
I know this award will give me the extra kick that I need this week to really cement myself in the 170's and to continue going down.
So, I'm supposed to share seven things about myself that are not otherwise known...are you SURE you want to know?! Ha. ha. Seriously. Because I feel a total TMI share opportunity coming on!
1. When I was 17, I spent the summer in Chile, S.A. as a foreign exchange student. My host family pretty much followed me around with a video recorder the whole time. I ended-up meeting a Chilean hottie (can't remember his name) so most of the footage is of me practically sucking his face off. I was so horny for him and so badly wanted to fuck him but was NEVER left alone with him - it was Old School rules down there! (We did have a few minutes alone once - which resulted in me finding out that he had a really small wiener.) I'm a little (a lot) embarrassed now at how fresh I must have seemed to my lovely Chilean host family. Of course the grandmother lived with them, god knows what she thought of me! Oh well, it was a great summer overall.
2. That foreign exchange experience gave me the desire to major in Spanish once I went to college. I graduated in 1997 from Colorado State University with a B.A. and spent a year of that time in Puebla, Mexico. I was 20 then - and in Mexico - and like a cat in heat! That was a great year. Besides the USA, Mexico is my favorite country. I got back to Fort Collins in '95 and then met my now husband.

I'm not sure why I am being so totally inappropriate today...here goes more.

3. I was a Trainer for STARZ! -the movie channel for several years. That was probably my most exciting job due to all the travel. When not on the road, I lived alone in my own condo in Denver and had my "I'm out of college and all grown-up now" moment. I got extremely lonely. Perry and I were still together but had to do the long distance relationship thing. It was very hard and I ended up being unfaithful to him. That is something I will always regret. Thank the lord that he forgave me. Now I need to work on forgiving myself.
4. I finally decided that I wanted to be with Perry and commit to him fully and completely. So I sold my condo and moved back to Fort Collins and got married. Before that, I cashed in some of my 401K money and spent six weeks in Merida, Spain at a foreign language school. I had always wanted to go to Spain - so I figured it was my one last thing before getting married. I didn't want to be with anyone but Perry at this point so I stayed celibate which was not hard because once you realize that you don't gain self-esteem by sleeping with men, the world is a totally different place. Spanish people are rude IMO.
5. I got married on 9/04/2004 and even though I consider myself a bit of a Non-Conformist, I'm thankful for the institution of marriage because, in a way, it forces you to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship without taking the easy way out and just breaking-up. NOT that it couldn't be that way if one was just in a committed relationship without the piece of paper, but you know what I mean.
6. I was 29 before I figured out how to masturbate to orgasm. Finally, after years of practice!
7. I still get scared in the dark.
O.K, that was cathartic. Moving on...

The Red Fox

2010-01-14T09:47:00.005-07:00

Queue the naked dancing men!
I have officially crossed over into the 170's so my Spring into the 170's Challenge is in full effect (and I'm kind of horny!).

By Spring I will emerge, not as the chunky chick that I have been for so long, but as a beautiful and graceful swan! Yes!

Now I just have to keep this momentum going, continue springing forward and say good-bye to the 180's! I must NOT use this as an opportunity to celebrate with food or as an excuse to eat just a little bit more. NO. I WILL Walk in Loveliness. I am my number one priority.
On my morning walk with the dogs today, I saw two red foxes running across the field. This is a rare event for sure since they are mostly nocturnal and most active between dusk and dawn.

I knew this was a sign from nature that I am on the right path. I looked up the red fox in a book that I have enjoyed called "Animal Speak" by Ted Andrews and it said:

"The red fox is a powerful totem. This animal has long been associated with the magical arts of invisibility and shapeshifting."

Shapeshifting. I like it!